Secrets in the Dark
by Dark-lil-devil
Summary: Majic is no more. He is now Silver. Angst, attempted suicide. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Secrets in the Dark**

**By: Dark Devil **

_Disclaimer: I have no rights or titles to anything whatsoever excepting my plot line and ideas._

* * *

I couldn't do this. 

But I had to.

Keeping my unsteady on the knife I flinched, then set my face into one of indifference.

Closing my hazel eyes, I paused to think, my mind in shambles. I was glad that it made no noise to anybody that could have heard, as my mind seemed to be shouting, it was as loud as an air-horn going off in my eardrums.

One part of my brain, I couldn't decide if it was the sensible one or not, was shouting,

_No! Don't do it, why do it?_

The other part, apparently the other sensible side, was shouting back,

**--If you don't, then you'll** never do it! **You'll be a weakling, never to do anything for yourself, you'll be open,** **and taken advantage of each time, only to be hurt!****It's better for you to do this, and learn, and live unharmed to**o** badly, it's for your own good!--**

Anybody watching would have seen a reckless grin, no, a smirk, that would say, 'how ironic' grace my face.

I wasn't really aware that I was smirking, all my thoughts being taken up by hearing out both arguments, weighing them and their consequences equally.

It never occurred to me to question why I was playing third party to two voices, consciences, in my head.

_Why harm yourself? Isn't it bad enough that others do?_

**--If you do this, then you'll be... immune to **the **games** of humans **This one bit of pain, and you'll be immune for the rest of your life--**

_If you do this, how would it make you immune to mental pain? Physical, yes, it may help, but mentally? How?_

**--By making yourself immune to physical pain, you can make yourself immune to mental pain,** **by distancing yourself from others, not needing their help or protection, only relying on yourself. Only you could hurt yourself that way.--**

Mentally sighing, I stared at the sharp blade in my hands, not seeing it at all, wondering what I would do.

The way I figured it, I had two options.

Do this, make myself immune to becoming attached to anybody or anything, leave, and live without pain. Or I could leave the blade, these thoughts, and let people hurt me wherever I went. But I could experience love, happiness, all those good emotions that you hear about. It was not an easy choice.

_Sure, if you do this now, this little bit of pain, you'll be free from it, but what's the point of living, if you won't live? You'll be apart from the others, never experiencing life as you should, as a human._

**--If you live life like that, like a human, then you'll experience two moments of bliss,** **then three lifetimes of pain**.** It'll never work, it's wrong.** **You must do this, and live your life between bliss and pain,** **live your life in a nothing**, an** indifference perspective.****Wonder around** and** never let anything get to you.** **He let himself get close to her, and look at him, he's spent half his life chasing after a dragon,** **only to have her try to kill him each time.--**

_His quest is noble, he shall save her, and then his bliss will come back._

**--But would it have been worth it? Losing t**he innocence his childhood had? **Loosing his trust in **humans**? Loosin**g his ability to show emotions freely? **Having the greatest sorcerers try to kill** him as a traitor at each turn? **No, I think not. He doesn't even know what he's doing, he's wandering around blindly.** **Do you want to be like that? Just take the knife, a little pain now covers a lifetime of pain later.--**

Shaking my head, I grabbed the knife's handle with a tight fist. My knuckles were white, my face pale, and sweating.

I had to do this.

I must do this.

_Please, think this through, this could mean your whole life, never to have friends, never to have loved ones...it could cost you a lot more then you think. Is gaining a life without pain caused by others worth it? You'll get pain caused by lack of others._

**--Loved ones? Ha, who's loved you!--**

The voices dropped to whispers, and I found myself straining desperately to hear them.

_Fiena. She loved you deeply. Do this, and loose any chance to meet another like her, to experience like that again._

**--Experience what again? The feeling of knowing bliss one moment, and then pain the next? Knowing that your mere liking of one person led to her being killed by her very own people? Do you want to live like that? Do you?--**

Though it was a whispered thought, it stung like it was yelled, like a dagger being thrust into my heart, and wrenched around painfully.

I was going to do this.

Grabbing the knife, I glanced around, now aware of my surroundings.

We were at Totokonta, Cleo staying at her place, and Orphen was in a rented room at my father's tavern.

I had been in my old room, so there was no need to worry about Orphen waking when I left the room, he was asleep two doors down.

On my way out, I had grabbed a knife from the kitchen. It was a sick sort of glee that I got, knowing that the knife used to cut food for people would be cutting my very own skin… Piercing through my wrists... It would make them cannibals.

Now I was standing on the small area of grass that was behind the tavern. By the position of the moon, I guessed that it was about two in the morning, yet I hadn't felt less tired then this in quite a while.

Swallowing, I slowly, as though to draw the pain out, drew the blade across my left wrist, leaving a thin line of crimson, ignoring the sting it caused and the tears building in my eyes.

Next, I removed my watch, dropped it and slowly sliced my right wrist, following the imprint around my tan where the watch had been.

Falling to my knees, I swallowed the tears back, bringing the blade back to my left wrist. I inserted it where the crimson line had stared to trickle down my arm and turned the blade, prying the skin apart, letting the blood fall faster, and causing much pain to myself.

Holding back a yelp of pain that got caught in my throat, I slowly repeated this action to my right hand, then again as they started to close. I just kept going and going, my mind now blank.

No noise, no voices... Just me, my wrists, the knife, and my pain.

When I heard people starting to rise, getting ready for work at four am, I slowly rose to my feet and stashed the bloody knife in a hollow tree. After throwing some dew over the grass to clean away the droplets of blood, I staggered into my room as quietly as I could. Quickly, I tied rags around my wrists before the blood dripped anywhere, then threw myself onto the bed, letting the pillow muffle my tears and sobs.

At seven, when I heard mostly all the occupants of my father's tavern arise, I also got up, my face covered in dry tears, and wondering how I would hide the still half bleeding wounds.

The right hand was easy to deal with. After folding a little piece of bed linen, I held it under the watchstraps, and fastened it up. Perfect fit, even if it was a little tender.

Perfect that is, as long as it didn't get caught in the wrong light, nobody would be the wiser. But I didn't know what to do for my left hand.

Finally, I just bandaged it, and opted for a long-sleeved jumper to wear, aiming to keep my hand in my pocket all day. If I got caught, I'd have to say that I accidentally cut myself.


	2. Chapter 2

** Secrets in the Dark**

**By: Dark Devil **

_Disclaimer: I have no rights or titles to anything whatsoever excepting my plot line and ideas._

_

* * *

_

Of course, when I went down for breakfast after making myself presentable, Father was busy with customers, and Orphen wasn't expected to get up until at least the afternoon.

After eating a little food, careful to make sure my father saw me eating, as he'd been on my case about not eating much lately, I decided to go outside for some fresh air.

Gazing over at the surface of the lake, I tried to do a spell, but nothing came to mind, so I decided to try and invent one.

Twenty minutes later, I collapsed in a huff to the ground, annoyed with my failing. I knew quite well that my attention wasn't even close to being fully on it, and therefore nowhere near capable of producing the weakest and easiest spell.

Still gazing at the lake surface, I noticed the shadow of a person approaching from behind.

Slowly spinning around, I noticed that Orphen was slowly walking towards me, staring at me with a thoughtful expression.

"Yes, Master?"

He smirked, then sat down next to me, not answering.

Sighing, I let my gaze drift over the lake again; when he gets like this, there's no getting through to him.

The lake looked so calm, light ripples moving ever so slightly across the surface, a blue gray ripple racing a green blue one, always moving to the flow of the wind.

After a while, I felt a hand on my shoulder, startling me.

Gasping, I turned quickly, relaxing slightly when I saw it was only Orphen, then tensed again at the look in his eyes.

He was smiling.

Evilly.

That was defiantly not good.

"M-Master?"

Orphen looked away, then turned back to me, suggesting lightly,

"How about we go for a swim, Majic?"

Confused, I shrugged.

Orphen?

Swimming?

This could get interesting.

Racking my memory, I still couldn't recall Orphen ever swimming for pleasure.

"Uh...why? Master?"

Orphen shrugged, then stood, dropping his vest to the ground in the same motion.

I must have looked quite stupid, gaping as he dropped his brown shirt to the ground, pendant as well.

"So? You coming, Majic?"

Startled out of my thoughts, again, I shrugged.

"I might join you later, Master, but I'd rather sit here for-"

Just as I was about to say 'now' I felt myself dunked in water, and upon surfacing found that Orphen had actually grabbed me and thrown me in.

"Master!"

"What?"

Mocking innocence, Orphen dived in, and feeling a rush of water underneath, I managed to move aside before he could tackle me from underneath.

Finding a part that was shallow enough for me to stand, I removed my top, throwing it to where I hoped the bank was.

Next I went to unstrap my watch, hoping I could fix the water damage done to it later, before I remembered the cuts.

Quickly strapping it back up, I checked the other bandage was still on, tightly, before diving back in.

After some proper swimming and learning that Orphen could swim, very well at that, we finally stopped, treading water gently a fair way out.

Floating on my back, slowly going around in circles, I was stopped by a cold hand on my shoulder.

One look at his face answered the question I was yet to ask (what did Orphen want?), he was in a serious mood, about to get vicious if I wasn't careful.

He always had hated people that danced around important subjects.

"Majic,"

The tone of his voice made me gulp; it wasn't going to be a friendly subject.

Sensing this, I plastered a smile on my face, one I had perfected to be innocent ignorance, and replied,

"Yes, Master?"

"Majic, stop pretending."

Keeping the face up, I wondered how long he had known it was all fake, as he obviously knew.

Then again, not much got past him.

It would just aggravate him to keep pretending, but I didn't know what else to do, so I replaced the look with a blank one, wondering what was going to happen.

"Majic, tell me, what's wrong?"

No answer.

The answer was too long, complicated, and I wouldn't give him the pleasure of it.

It was too much to burden someone else with it.

"Majic!"

Flinching, I kept the blank look on my face, returning to float on my back in the water...

A hand grabbed my shoulder and for a moment I thought he would dunk me, half drown me to get the answer. Instead, he pulled me up and made me look directly into his sienna eyes.

"Tell me, Majic. You have to."

"Why?"

I was shocked at myself.

That voice, it wasn't my innocent voice, this one was what I always heard in my head, it was cold, hard.

By the look on Orphen's face for a moment. That hadn't been what he'd been expecting either.

"Majic, this is just going to go deeper and deeper, you have to share it with someone else."

"No."

I kept scaring myself, that voice, why couldn't I use my normal voice?

Or maybe this is my normal voice, and what I used up until now was fake.

"Majic, tell me. Now."

There was a firmness in Orphen's voice, but I couldn't obey him. I just couldn't.

"No."

Turning my gaze up from the water, I looked deep into those sienna eyes, and for a moment, nearly told him. But I couldn't.

Using my hands to propel me, I began to swim across to the bank, but was stopped by Orphen's hand around my wrist.

"Majic, we're not leaving until you tell me."

"Then we'll be here a while, won't we?"

Orphen was stunned, and I knew why.

Since when had I had such a cold, heartless voice? Since when did I give smart-arse comments, like the ones that he was prone to give? What happened to the carefree teenager that was so innocent?

"Majic, if this is still about Fiena-"

"Who's Fiena?"

Orphen's grip on my left wrist loosened, not understanding what I meant, but then it tightened again, painfully so.

A uninvited yelp escaped my lips, drawing his attention to my wrist.

The bandage was still there, but blood was trickling through it, pressured out by Orphen's strong grip.

"What the? Majic, when did you get this?"

Pulling free from his now gentle grip, I started to swim as fast as I could away, but Orphen was faster, stopping me again.

"Majic!"

This time, he was holding my right hand, not knowing it, but making my other cut bleed as well.

"What happened to your wrist?"

His voice was hard, demanding nothing but the truth, so I decided for the sake of getting out of there, that I'd tell him half the truth.

"It got cut."

"How?"

I shrugged, causing his grip to tighten, hurting me enough for another uninvited yelp to escape.

I cursed myself mentally, as now he'd know for sure. Orphen may not have picked up on it yet, but he wasn't stupid, he'd know what I'd done.

"What?"

His eyes narrowed, and he slowly undid my watch strap.

"Majic..."

Staring at it, he grabbed my other wrist, and instantly knew.

"What the hell did you do..."

I shrugged, avoiding his gaze, knowing that the disappointment in them would make me feel guilty, and cause me more pain.

"Majic, you slit your wrists, didn't you?"

His voice was hard, his tone worse, a mixture of disappointment and anger, fury and confusion.

Meeting his gaze, I said whatever came to mind,

"So what?"

He sighed, dropping my wrists, and grabbed my shoulders.

"Majic, this has to stop! You're going to kill yourself at this rate if you don't tell someone!"

"Would it be that bad a thing?"

Stupid. Stupid! That was so stupid!

I couldn't stop the words, but regretted them immediately.

Now he knew what I thought!

I would have been better off pretending that it was all fine, that I would stop...but now?

Now he knew, he won't leave me alone now.

"Majic! No, it would, it would be terrible..."

Was that a waver in his voice?

"No, you'd all live, and there'd be no more pain..."

Damn it, damn it!

Who the hell had said that? I didn't want to! Why did I say that?

"No more pain? Majic, without you...without...without you, we'd all fall to pieces, we need you!"

Was he fighting tears? No, Orphen wouldn't cry, he never did, unless it involved Auzalie, and this didn't, so it couldn't be. Could it?

Could he care for me?

No.

It was as simple as that.

No.

Pulling out of Orphen's grip, I treaded water until I could exit the lake, and donning my top and jacket, I left, knowing that he was still watching me.

Back at my father's tavern, I changed into dry clothes, careful to wear a long sleeved top, and to keep my wrists covered, as a bandage on both was a lot more suspicious.

Sighing, I wondered if Orphen had come back yet.

If he had, then Father would want to talk with me, and I really didn't need that right now.

There was only one thing for it.

I'd have to leave before they confronted me.

I'd leave, and travel by myself.

Quickly, I grabbed a small backpack and shoved in some clothes, a bed roll, and some food I stole from the kitchen in foresight of what could happen.

Once that was done, I was amazed to see how small the stuff I had packed actually was compared to all of Orphen's stuff. I slowly wrote a note, stopping often to think of what to write.

_Father, Orphen, Cleo,_

_I'm sorry, but I'm leaving, it's for the best, broken hearts don't mend, they just tear even more._

_Please, consider me dead, I most probably will be to this world._

_This is my goodbye, please don't look for me._

_Majic_

Folding it, I left it on my pillow, hoping they wouldn't find it until much later.

Getting out was another matter, I ended up throwing the bag out the window and then going to collect it.

With one last glimpse of my father through the window, I left, keeping to the shadows and ignoring the people surrounding me.


	3. Chapter 3

Heo allz, I'd like to say a few things;  
  
1) Just want you to all know that I've never written a fic from a persons few, I've always written (posted or not) from nobody's view, and  
  
2) Merry X-mas to you all, Happy new year, I'm going to a family camp, *eyebrow twinges* for ten or more days, *again* relatives only this year, *bigger twinge this time* only my family are there, *even more* my annoying clingy younger cousins, *look of fear and hatred in eyes* older annoying snobbish cousin, *knuckles go white from clenched fists* and adults that enjoy taking the piss from everything and anything available, *grabs teddy* no computer in sight, *grip tightens on innocent teddy bear* my only music is my one C.D, *longing look in eyes* can't even go swimming at the beach, 'cause it's dangerous, *angry look replaces longing,* AND I HAVE TO SLEEP IN A TENT!!!! *poor innocent teddy gets his head torn off.* oopps....  
  
*~*  
  
It was a cold day, wet and miserable.  
  
Or maybe I was the only miserable one.  
  
Little children ran past me in the rain, splashing in the puddles, giggles of laughter breaking the serene silence.  
  
I was in a town, I wasn't sure of where.  
  
Strolling up a long steep street, not really caring about anything, a child's yell shattered my silent thoughts.  
  
I spun, wondering what the hell it had been, to find a little girl, about five, staring towards the top of the road, where I saw a barrel rolling towards her, at an impossible speed.  
  
For some reason, this was familiar........  
  
I didn't stop to listen to my thoughts, there was no time!  
  
Running in front of it, I dove foward, shunting the girl away from the barrel, allowing myself to get left in it's path, bracing myself for the impact.......  
  
But it never came.  
  
Instead, I felt myself shunted away to the side, with someone else, the person who had saved me, rolling beside myself.  
  
My body flew across the ground, the other still beside me, feeling only slightly he grazes and gashes I recieved, curtisy of the ground.  
  
When I rolled to a stop, on my back, my eyes closed, quite unphased, and I relaxed, enjoying the light rain that was slowly beating down on my face, untill I felt it stop.  
  
Cracking an eye open, I realised that somebody was standing over me, most probably to check on me.  
  
I grunted, softly to myself, and stood up, avoiding looking at the person, but what she said froze me in my steps.  
  
"Majic?"  
  
I slowly looked around, really seeing now...........this was where we had met Stephanie, or Stephan.  
  
This street, it was where I had met her, where my magic had failed me, once again, to save a little child from a run-away barrel........  
  
I looked, for the first time, at my rescuer, and instantly felt a urge to leave this town, as fast as possible.  
  
Keeping my gaze and face form Stephanie's, I began to walk away, as fst as possible without running, whispering,  
  
"No, he doesn't exist."  
  
But appartently she heard.  
  
"Oh crap, did Orphen send you packing? Majic?"  
  
I shook my head, willing her to think I was someone else.  
  
"No, I don't know who you're talknig about."  
  
By now I was at the top of the road, as was she.  
  
Stephanie grabbed my arm, in a very un-lady-like way, and asked softely,  
  
"Then who are you?"  
  
"I'm.........."  
  
I didn't know what to say, things like a new name didn't come to me easily.  
  
"Majic, please, just tell me what happened?"  
  
I shook my head, answering,  
  
"I don't know who I am, but Majic's dead."  
  
She gasped, her grip lightening, then it stifened, pulling me away.  
  
"Come on."  
  
I didn't see where we went, but after a short bit of walking, we were standing on a doorstep, the one to her place.  
  
Inside the place was the same, I could remember, as clear as yesterday, Orphen standing at that window, Cleo throwing a fit, I could almost hear the door slamming behind her.....  
  
"Sit."  
  
I sat.  
  
It was something about Stephanies voice, it made me obey without thinking.  
  
*~*  
  
"So, why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
That voice, I wondered if I would ever get my old voice back, this harsh one made people flinch, it seemed ones that had known 'Majic' even more.  
  
"Why isn't Majic with Orphen, why are you here, why won't you call yourself Mjic?"  
  
I sighed, and decided to answer as much as I could to get her off my case, but not so much that she'd get on my case even more.  
  
"Majic left Orphen, I was traveling, and needed supplies."  
  
Staphanie seemed to forget the third question for now, as others were ploughing through her mind.  
  
"Why's Majic leave Orphen? Why are you traveling?"  
  
"He did, and I am."  
  
A cold silence encased around them, Stephanie glancing worriedly at Majic the whole time.  
  
The silence was broken by someone entering, it turned out to be the flower guy, the one I'd only seen, never talked to.  
  
"Hey, Maj.....ah, we have a visitor."  
  
Stephanies voice rang out, and a few moments later, the guy's head popped around the door.  
  
"Oh, hey, aren't you that Orphen guy's apprentice?"  
  
I watch as he held his hand out, for me to shake it, but I didn't want to.  
  
All I knew was that I had to leave.  
  
"Not any more, sorry, I've got to go."  
  
By the time I was at the door, Stephanie had caught up with me, her hand rested on my arm, stopping me.  
  
"Please, Ma....just stay?"  
  
I shook my head, knowing that I needed to leave this house, this village, this whole area.  
  
"Well, at least tell me where you'll be staying?"  
  
Hm, I had no idea.  
  
"Don't know. Probaby the cheapest place."  
  
Her eyes widened, though if in shock of victory I couldn't tell, and she dragged me back to the couch.  
  
"No."  
  
"No, what?"  
  
"No, I won't let a friend, with a name or not, sleep in a hotel, when my spare bed is here, unused."  
  
I sighed, then shrugged.  
  
Maybe a bed wouldn't be to bad, not after several nights on the ground.  
  
//~//  
  
My eyes flew open, I could hear voices........  
  
Calming my startled nerves, I lay still, realising that raised voices had been the cause of my awakening.  
  
"No, he's sleeping!"  
  
"I don't care, I need to talk to him!"  
  
A sudden chilled fear was sent down my spine.  
  
It was Orphen.  
  
Keeping still, now in shock, I listened to Stephanie argue with the obviously furious sorcerer.  
  
"No, Orphen, keep out, he won't want to see you."  
  
"Why? What's he told you?"  
  
"Was there something he should have?"  
  
I sat up, realising that they both thought the other knew what was wrong with me.  
  
They didn't.  
  
"Orphen, we should move this into another room, where we wont wake him-"  
  
"No, dammit, I want to know, what's he told you?"  
  
"I don't know, I found him, he had been traveling alone, a starved wreck, I convinced him, rather forcefully, to stay here."  
  
"Did he tell you why he was alone?"  
  
"He says his name isn't Majic, that's all I know."  
  
"His name.......what does he say his name is, then?"  
  
"He doesn't know, only that it's not Majic anymore."  
  
There was a few muttered swears, and then Stephanies light, careing voice asked,  
  
"Get a drink, and when he wakes, you can talk to him."  
  
The voices stopped, apparently going into the kitchen for drinks, and I kept still.  
  
Orphen was here.  
  
Shit.  
  
I quickly picked my clothes for the day, my only other ones, a loose blood red top and black pants, and dressed as fast as I could.  
  
When that was done, I sat back down on the bed, thinking.  
  
At some point in my thoughts, I came to unstrap my watch, and run my finger across the scar, the wierd sort of pleasure rippling through me again.  
  
No, I didn't have to do this, I'd slip away, get away from here, this place, this town, everywhere I recognised.  
  
Quickly collecting my bag, I slowly and silently opened the door, ready to slip through the hallway and out the front door.  
  
Only to feel a hand on my shoulder.  
  
Reeling arouns at whoever it was, I grinned ruefully at Orphen.  
  
No, he'd always be two steps ahead of me.  
  
"Majic, what would you be doing?"  
  
With a raised eyebrow, he nodded towards my packed bag.  
  
I shrugged his grip off, and leant against the doorframe, not answering.  
  
"It looks like you were planning to leave, now, why would you be leaving, Majic?"  
  
Huh, he heard Stephanie, I'm not Majic for any longer  
  
"Majic, answer me!"  
  
"He can't."  
  
Yet again, my damn voice, it was harsh, not what I used to call my voice....yet another thing I hated.  
  
Apparently it shook Orphen up to, as he took a moment to gulp, then ask me,  
  
"Why not?"  
  
I smirked.  
  
Him and I both knew, he was just playing dumb.  
  
Fine.  
  
I could go along with that.  
  
"He's away."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"With Krylancilo, I suppose."  
  
That hit it's mark.  
  
Orphen sighed, his eyes slowly looking me over, then sighed again, whispering,  
  
"It can't be.....no, Majic, don't do this to yourself!"  
  
I snorted, not caring about how rude I was being.  
  
"I told you, Majic's gone."  
  
He swallowed, then straightened up, obviously deciding somthing.  
  
"Then who are you?"  
  
Damn.  
  
I shrugged, not knowing how to answer.  
  
"You don't know who you are? Damn boy, at least I thought of another name! You pathetic."  
  
I knew that already.  
  
I was a pathetic weakling.  
  
I shrugged again, then slid towards the door again.  
  
"At least I'm trying not to be one. You don't need to try, you just aren't.  
  
Everything is so good for you, you don't understand how bad it is for everyone else."  
  
Wow.  
  
Even as I said this, I thought about how I must be extremely fustrated; I'd never said that much in ages.  
  
Opening the door, I walked out, slowly closing it behind me, only to fnid his shoe in the way.  
  
I quickly glared up at him.  
  
"Move."  
  
He didn't, only leant against the door frame.  
  
"You know, even if you're not Majic, you've got his powers, and they need to be trained. Now, I understand if you don't want to be with me......but I'm sure the tower will take you."  
  
I just kept glaring at him, waiting for an explanation, one that I didn't get.  
  
"You're a smart guy, you'll figure it out."  
  
He moved away from the door, allowing me to close it.  
  
So I did, harshly.  
  
*~*  
  
Ok, I'm trying to make these shorter, as those who *have* e-mailed me about it, find the length......scary, so yeah, and also, I'm wondering, have I done a disclaimer yet?  
  
I'm not sure, so think of any and every disclaimer you've seen, and I'm pretty sure it applies!! Stuff that up your ass and smoke it, you f****** ah, why do we have disclaimers, anyway?  
  
Who's actually going to blame you for not saying you don't own a programme or anything.......*sweat drop* would you write a fic about something, if it changes the storyline, when you owned it?  
  
Hell no!! So STOP COMPLAINING!!  
  
Wait......who was complaining?  
  
Um, yeah, make no comment on my spelling, right?  
  
Laterz, Dark_lil_Devil!!! 


	4. Chapter 4

Alrighties peoples, I'm back!! Sorry I took so long, but with school starting again soon, I've no idea of how often I can update, depends how much homework I'll get. Knowing my luck, a lot.  
  
Notes at the bottom.  
  
//~//~//~//~//~//  
  
What the hell had he meant?  
  
I lifted my gaze to the top of the tree, not to far from where I was, in it's highest branches.  
  
He had said.what was it?  
  
//You know, even if your not Majic, you've got his powers, and they need to be trained. Now, I undertand if you don't want to be with me......but I'm sure the tower will take you."//  
  
That asshole, what had he meant?!  
  
//"You're a smart guy, you'll figure it out."//  
  
So, I had to train my powers.  
  
Well, that was true enough.  
  
I'd been taught by him.....no, Majic had been taught about the things that could happen to someone with untrained powers, like floods, hurricanes, earthwuakes, heaps of things that didn't sound to nice.  
  
So he knew that I wouldn't want to train with him, it brought back so many memorys.....but so did magic, and going tot he tower wouls surely bring them back as well?  
  
Wouldn't it?  
  
I decided to test something.  
  
Off the top of my head, I couldn't think of any usefull spells to test, so I quickly wondered what I wanted to do.  
  
Giving that squirrel wings could be quite amusing.  
  
I sat straight, crossing my legs, only later wondering how I had kept my valance at such a height.  
  
Softly, so as not to scare the creature away, I chanted,  
  
"By the earth and life that grows, birds that fly and fish that swim, I call upon the for the power of flight!"  
  
Hn, where had that come from?  
  
A soft light emmited from my hands, which I had outstretched, pointing at the creature.  
  
It was the same color as Majic's was, and that was the only time I remembered everything, why my heart ached, and why I didn't even notice the squirrel screaming in pain, wings breaking the flesh on it's back, and then falling from the tree, dead before it hit the ground, dead from shock, as was as rabbit I next tried it on.  
  
So it worked, but the animals I tried it on were to scared at it, and would die from shock.  
  
But I had more important things to do, like figuring out how I had come up with a spell, when I was positive that I'd never heard it before.  
  
In other words, I had created a spell.  
  
Scary.  
  
In truth, I was more then a bit smug, I was preparing myself to go and rub it in Orphen's face, Hah! I had made a spell, I had *worked* and the only bad part was I couldn't think of an animal that wouldn't die of fright or kill me.  
  
Damn.  
  
So, if I went to the Tower of Fang, then I'd be able to make more spells? I'd have to find out, as that would be a big part in my dec-  
  
"Majic?"  
  
I glared down, thoughorly annoyed at this voice already.  
  
"Majic, I've been looking for you! Why'd you leave? Steph is having a fit, you'd be best to go apoligise."  
  
It was the flower guy, I still couldn't remember his name.  
  
Not wanting to have another fight today, I shrugged, jumping down from the tree.  
  
Half way down, I realised that if I landed on the ground, I'd most probably be injured, so I landed in a roll, and quickly jumped to my feet, starting straight away for Stephanie's house.  
  
*~*  
  
He was on the couch, next to Stephanie, when I arrived.  
  
Glaring at him, I sent him a look that plainly said, 'let's talk', and went into the room I had slept in.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Ignoring him, I stood by the window, looking out, then turned my back to it, facing him.  
  
"You said you could get me into the Tower."  
  
"So I did. Why, though?"  
  
Not even bothering to think, I answered,  
  
"I can create spells, it takes my mind off......the past. I need to get away, and here's my chance."  
  
"But, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make you back out or anything, but wouldn't magic in itself remind you?"  
  
"That's what I thought, but only seeing the color reminds me."  
  
I had a good idea. A very good idea.  
  
"Are there any spells to change the color of your magic?"  
  
My voice, it was still hard, unemotional, but a bit of enthusiasm had shone through.  
  
I wasn't sure of wether to be annoyed or happy.  
  
"Not that I know of. What do you mean, you can create spells?"  
  
Shrugging, I realised that I could create spells.......including ones on how to change your magic's power.  
  
I ignored his presence, and softly chanted,  
  
"Oh, truths of day, and disguises of night, I change around thee!"  
  
A small globe of light appeared in my hands, and it slowly merged into a bright silver. (it was going to be bright pink, but I gave in to my friends wishes for a silver part.)  
  
I stared at it, even after it had long gone.  
  
I realised I was still with Orphen when he cleared his throat.  
  
"Ah, do you mind casting a spell for me? One of your own, if it helps?"  
  
I shrugged, not really thinking about what wsa being said, still trying to comprehend this,  
  
"I've only made one spell before this...."  
  
"Yeah? What was it for?"  
  
I knew what he was ging to do when I told him, but I did anyway.  
  
"To give a squirrel wings."  
  
He snorted, then looked at me in the eye.  
  
"Your serious?"  
  
"Yeah, before, I thoaght of it.....thing died of shock, but the spell worked..... I tried it on a few rabits....they died of shock as well."  
  
He snorted again, and asked,  
  
"And your reasons for wanting to give a squirrel and some rabbits wings?"  
  
I shrugged.  
  
Without looking at him, I could tell he was smirking.  
  
Why, though? Was it that funny?  
  
as though reading my thoughts, he commented,  
  
"I always knew it wasn't my teaching. And I was right."  
  
Huh?  
  
I looked at him for an explanation, and recieved a sigh.  
  
"Your supposed to be smart. Anyway, you always, no offense, sucked at the spells I taught you, and this explains it. Your magic is different, a rare type, that allows you the most strenght in your own spells, using someone elses only makes the spell weak for you."  
  
Ah. That was why I was the worst spell caster I knew.  
  
Including little kids playing around.  
  
"So, want to test that new spell of yours?"  
  
I shrugged, vaguely wondering what had happened to him pointedly calling me 'Majic" and why I was even talking to him.  
  
*~*  
  
I was back in the tree, smirking at the look on Orphen's face when I had shown him the bodys of my experiments.  
  
"Wow, you were serious. It did work, by the look of it, perfectly. And an un-natural growth is a pretty powerfull spell, ones that go with nature are generaly easy, as they are already there, but ones against are a bit harder, you have to force them. Well done."  
  
In the old days I would have glowed, a full out compliment from Orphen! But now, I just smirked at him, while climbing back to my spot in the tree, even if getting out this time, I'd probably get hurt.  
  
He stood, leaning against the tree, happy to wait as I thought of a spell.  
  
But really, where was the need for one? All I needed was a nice, long sleep in this warm tree branch.....  
  
"Oi!! Hurry up already!!"  
  
It was half an hour later, and I'd been fighting off sleep the whole time.  
  
Not a spell in sight.  
  
"Hey, Orphen, how about...well, if I need to use agic, it comes, but I can't just think of one for no reason....."  
  
He caught on quickly.  
  
"You want to duel me?"  
  
"Alright, if that's what you want."  
  
He glared at my comment, and quickly prepared himself to attack me, as I gracefully landed on my butt at the bottom of the tree.  
  
"Damn......crap that hurt!!"  
  
There it was again, a little bit of Majic shining through me, a little bit of light entering my voice, but before I knew what was happening, I heard Orphen voice an attack.  
  
Shit.  
  
Jumping up, I quickly dodged it, then countered with a small attack he had taught me once.  
  
"Hey, i thought you made your own ones now!!"  
  
True.  
  
Jumping away from his next one, I landed on one knee, crouched, so I took the oppertunity to voice the first thing that came to mind,  
  
"By dragon blood and human glory, I attack thee!!"  
  
A large silver globe appeared in my outstretched hands, and quickly bounded towards Orphen, who dodged it, only to have it follow him.  
  
I watched in mazment as he ran quickly, turned, and prepared himself with a magic shield to block it.  
  
There was a collision of colors, and when they settled down, Orphen was laying on his back, panting, with a lot of dirt smudged over his face and clothes.  
  
"Orphen?"  
  
A bit worried about him, I went over, to find him grinning like a kid who got christmas early.  
  
"Majic.....ah, yeah, I'm calling you Silver from now on, Silver, you're everything I thought you were when I first met Majic."  
  
"And what was that?"  
  
Not caring about the new name, hey at least I had one now, I wondered what he was on about.  
  
"I first met you, you were with Bagup, hiding behind him nearly, I could feel the power radiate from you. It was different, which nearly always means you were'nt of use to me, but I took a chance, and now...... You're damn near stronger then me, I've been strengthening tht shield for years, and that's the first time you've cast that spell."  
  
Damn. He'd never said that much before.  
  
"Ah .... thanks."  
  
"Oh, and Silver?"  
  
That name again...  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Still want me to get you to the tower?"  
  
I thought about this.  
  
"You can show up as Silver, a guy that makes his own spells, is older then most of the student body, but had another teacher before, I'll ask them not to share the fact it was me if you like, and you'll train there, maybe become a teacher, who knows? With your power and near wisdom, you could become an elder."  
  
I shuddered at the thought.  
  
"No thanks, I'll take teacher as being enough punishment. But.....I thought you hated the tower?"  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"I do. But that doesn't mean I'm going to ruin your possible future with the tower because of my past with it."  
  
*~*  
  
"So, you're leaving so quick? Together?"  
  
Orphen smiled at her, a reminder for her of what it had been like to be his partner.  
  
"Sorry, Steph, when I'm done, I'll come back to visit or something."  
  
She glanced at me, as I heaved my old bag back up.  
  
"So, where are you two going, anyway?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
He looked to me for what to say, so I shrugged, letting him know I didn't care.  
  
"Well, I tell you the full thing later, but for now, I'm taking Ma....Silver tothe Tower to study."  
  
She frowned, glancing at me.  
  
"I thought you didn't like the tower, Orphen?"  
  
I snorted, and sent Orphen a smirk.  
  
"Oh my god, is that what everybody is going to keep asking me?!"  
  
"Sorry! God, no need to get so touchy!!"  
  
Orphen sighed, and muttered something about asprin, dropping his bag and entering the kitchen.  
  
Sighing, I dropped my bag to.  
  
If he was already on the asprin, then I wasn't looking forward to days alone with him.  
  
"So, if Cleo shows, which I know she will, she sent me a letter, what do you want me to tell her?"  
  
Damn.  
  
Cleo.  
  
I had completely forgotten about her.  
  
Now I needed an asprin as well.  
  
"I don't know......Orphen and I made it up, I think she thinks we had a fight, and I'm going to study at the tower, she can ask Orphen for the address of where to send letters to."  
  
Stephanie nodded, and I left in search of asprin for myself.  
  
This was going to be a long trip.  
  
*~*  
  
I sighed, rolling over.  
  
I was in my bed, well, for now what was my bed, in the middle of a forest about half way to the tower.  
  
For some reason, I needed to think, but away from Orphen.  
  
Even I didn't understand myself sometimes.  
  
What did Orphen have to do with it?  
  
As far as I could tell, he couldn't read thoughts, so why?  
  
Shrugging to myself, I quietly got up, and strolled away, my hands behind my tired head.  
  
If when I returned Orphen asked where I'd been, I could lie or something.  
  
It didn't mater to me any more, he wasn't my teacher, I could lie to him as much as I wanted.  
  
I carefully ignored the feeling that even if he was my teacher, at the moment I felt I'd lie to anyone.  
  
I stopped at what seemed a good distance, watching the moonlight flow through the tree, dancing across the ground, and me.  
  
My eyes settled on a pattern across from me, at the top of a small tree trunk, at about my head height, but I wasn't really seeing it.  
  
Why was I here?  
  
What did I need to think about?  
  
Sighing, I realised I was about to play third party to the voices in my mind again.  
  
--You know what your thinking about. It's how you've become weak again!!--  
  
//No, it's because you've seen what your old life was, and what your new life can be, now you've got to choose.//  
  
--Choose what? Wether to be a weakling, or to stand up for yourself?--  
  
// No, Majic, or Silver.//  
  
--What's the difference? It's the same guy!!--  
  
//No, Majic was Orphen's willing apprentice, easily hurt, but always happy,  
  
Silver is a tower student, hardly any emotions, and probably no friends.//  
  
--Well duh!! Majic gets hurt easily, SDilver hardly ever!! What an easy choice!!--  
  
//Majic has love, does Silver?//  
  
--Who cares?--  
  
//I get the feeling,...Majic/Silver does, and he now has to make a choice. Majic, or Silver?//  
  
Indded, Majic, or Silver?  
  
The same thing happened each night; I'd stroll away when Orphen seemed close enough to asleep, think for what seemed ten minites, but turned out to be hours, sneack back, and all day be troubled.  
  
Majic, or Silver?  
  
*~*  
  
It was the last day of traveling.  
  
Orphen had gone ahead, to organise a place for me to go to, and catch up with his old friends, make sure nobody that wasn't supposed to knew that I was his student.  
  
I stood on top of the hill, watching the tower in all it's glory.  
  
I still hadn't made my choice.  
  
Sitting down, I reasoned that I'd like to get to know Silver more, before deciding, so that's what I did.  
  
*~*  
  
Alright, I know I mighta said something about making these shorter, but stuff ya all!!!!! It's the length I made it, so get lost. Well, any comments, nice or nasty are welcome, and I'd like to say to people that have reviewed;  
  
Mathais;  
  
Thanks^^ Uh, I couldn't see at that point, but now I've got to many idea's for this.....*sweatdrop* I'd like to keep this angsty, as that's how I intended it at the beginning, but that's not working, it might be long, I've got to decided yet if he dies in his next attempt......*ponders deeply* What's your opinion? Yeah, I kinda didn't realise it was being written in first person untill the end of the first chapter, and so I'm trying to add detail in, but I've always sucked at details and it is hard, seeing as how I hate having to read aragraphs and paragraphs about how big a forest is or something. ^^;; But thankx for the review, it's very appreciated, it helps to keep me going!!! If you hadn't noticed before, I have crap all self esteem...... I least I havn't had a flame yet!! I don't think.......?  
  
Alibis Dragon ;  
  
Thanx! ^^ Nice to hear you like it.......*coughs* idiot *coughs* again, I'm not sure where this will go in pairings; I started this when I wasn't to happy in that area of life.......sorry if I don't update to soon, but if I don't write in a *bad* mood, I have discovered that it turns into anything *but* angst, which is a bad thing!  
  
Angel K.D.; Thanks!! Same applies here, not at the moment, but if it keep s going, then it just might.....?^^; And I guess this was the chapter you asked for!!  
  
Athena;  
  
Right, I didn't even consider bringing her back, but I don't think I could, as this is *supposed* to be an angst fic, not that I'm doing that to well, I keep going for a happy ending.......but, no, I'm pretty dure she's not going to be reincarnated, so sorry if that's what you wanted, I just don't think I could write that.....  
  
Sorry I took so long to reply to these, but my e-mails were getting all stroppy with me, seriously, no machinary likes me!!! I'm dangerous...*evil glint in eyes* Nah, it just blocked up, and I got them just before I left for camp, so yeah!! ^^  
  
Any suggestions for a better plot line are welcome!!! I've got to many idea's, and if I go with the one it's headed at, then I need to figure out a whole gap in the plot before I know what I'm typing. ^^;; Guess that's just my style of writing!! 


	5. Chapter 5

Right, before I post this, I'll let you all in on a secret; Year nine SUX!!  
  
First off, the map of all the rooms is in our homework diarys, and we'll get to use them when we get the diarys, whenever that is!! *rolls eyes*  
  
My fav teacher is English, he's really cool, Social Studies teacher scares me, I'm in top stream for science which scares the hell out of me, 'cause I'm not for Maths and English, while they're my best subjects, *sweat drop*.  
  
*Takes deep breathe*  
  
My Spanish teacher goes off on long speches in spanish.... what the hell he's saying I'll NEVER know. What else?  
  
In my electronics class there's about ten girls, and twenty hypo guys, *not a good thing*!!  
  
That's gunna give me a bad headache.  
  
Oh, and for PE we have to run to the beach, do some acticities, have a swim, then run back in time for our next period. Heh, with my asthma, Mum's decided that I should *completely* go hard out on my first run, get the worst asthma ever, and then I won't have to swim, and my teacher won't push me so hard,  
  
(I've been told she's the one who makes you run there, without breaks and back, not matter who you are).  
  
Thanks Mum, I'll do that.  
  
Heh, I'll tell you some funny stories about when my Mum used to go there, man, if I did all that shit, I'd be expelled instantly!!  
  
But I'm to lost most of the time...  
  
*looks away whistling*  
  
Lost? Me? In that big hell hole of paths? Never!  
  
*Gets a wild look in eyes, backs away, and starts screaming for help.*  
  
I got the ideas for this whilst running to my maths class, which I thought was at the very back of the college.  
  
It's right at the front, and the teacher hates lateness.  
  
Quote Unquote; I'm *puff* sorry Miss, *puff* I went to the wrong end of the school, *puff*, then I got lost *puff* and then I ended up next door at the primary school, *puff* and THEN I found my way here, in the *puff* rain, after falling over. And I can't run to well in this skirt.  
  
Needless to say, even turds are excused for lateness on the first lesson.  
  
Enough of this, on with the damn story!!!!! *sorry 'bout all that!! ^^  
  
Enjoy!!!  
  
A/N Just how many disclaimers have I done for this story? If I've done any before, refer to that!! ^^;;  
  
*~**~*  
  
"And you are?"  
  
Childman watched me, hand raised to magicaly record my details.  
  
"Silver."  
  
"Silver....?"  
  
"Silver."  
  
"No last name....I take it you've met our famous Orphen, hm?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow.  
  
Either Orphen had completely stayed away from this guy, or he was acting the fool.  
  
Either way suited me just fine.  
  
"I was his apprentice for a few years."  
  
He accepted this quietly, only asking me,  
  
"Have you met my student, Hartia?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow, that sounded familiar.....  
  
Childman called out for said person to enter, and was answered with a very familiar voice.....  
  
"Shrimp man?!"  
  
After one look at me, the guy groaned, and attempted to walk right back out of the door, stopped only by Childman.  
  
"Hartia, care to explain?"  
  
Feeling a bit sorry for him, the guy could be condemmed as a traiter for warning Orphen, I jumped in,  
  
"Sorry, I thought you were someone else, Hartia, is it? Nice to meet you."  
  
"Yes, Majic?"  
  
I gave a nervous cough.  
  
"Yeah, that's why I'm here, the names Silver."  
  
I gave his hand a light squeeze when he shook mine, and got a gratefull one in return.  
  
"Yes master, you called?"  
  
After glancing between the both of us, Childman sighed, continuing,  
  
"Yes. Hartia, you are a fine student to me, and as that is, you're nearing the time to become a teacher, so Silver here will study under you, and after a year, the elders will pass judjment of your future roll here at the Tower. Silver, you shall study under Hartia here, you shall address him and all teachers here as Master. Understood?"  
  
Both of us nodded in agreement.  
  
*~*  
  
"So......Silver?"  
  
Hartia glanced at me, intent to figure out what was going on.  
  
I sighed, and looked around.  
  
If I could, I would have cut meeting Hartia out here first, but he knew where my room was; I didn't.  
  
So, that being that, here I was, outside in the practise area which was vacant apart from the two of us.  
  
"Yes, Shrimp Man?"  
  
He went bright red at that name, and I smirked, nearly seeing smoke filter through his ears.  
  
"It's Master to you, Silver, or should I say Majic?"  
  
I was silent.  
  
There was only two things I could do; one, cut him off, and ask to be shown my room, or two, tell him, and leave it all forgotten here.  
  
The later just happened to sound more inviting.  
  
"Well, Majic's gone, so I guess it's Silver, huh?"  
  
"Where's Majic gone?"  
  
"I guess he's visiting that other guy, your friend wasn't it?, Krylancilo?"  
  
Hartia sighed.  
  
"Orphen really is a bad influence on you."  
  
"Me, or Majic?"  
  
"Both. Anyway, no matter what, Majic's going to be in your looks, you'll be in Majic's."  
  
"Really? How so?"  
  
"Your hair, your eyes, your details......alright, your hair, it is longer, but it's still the blonde of Majic's."  
  
I held a lock of my long blonde hair out, it was true, even though shoulder length now, it would never be another color if I had anything to do with it.  
  
"And your eyes are different,"  
  
I blinked. Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that.  
  
During a break on the way, I had been practising my spells, and created one to change the color of your eyes, succeding in giving myself red eyes, ones that made others look away, ones that made me a sort of threat. I hadn't bothered to see if it was reversable yet.  
  
There was no reason to.  
  
"But your magic should be the same, you can't change that, and your thoughts, your past, it's all as much a part of you as it is Majic."  
  
For a reply, I slowly lifted my body into an attack stance, and whispered,  
  
"By dragon blood and human glory, I attack thee."  
  
Even though a whisper, the words were clearly heard to Hartia, even as he watched, transfixed, the globe of silver magic emitted from my hands, as it skimmed the still air in search of a target, as it blew a practise rock apart, and even still as small parts of the rock flew at him.  
  
"M...Silver, what was that?"  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"My magic, I guess."  
  
"Yes......you have changed it's color, but also, what was that spell, it's very powerfull, there was no force behind it, yet it managed to do well, this,"  
  
He waved a hand at the rubble.  
  
Again, I shrugged, smirk evident upon my face.  
  
"It was one I made, the toher day, sparring Orphen. Heh, I won."  
  
"You.....created a spell?"  
  
"Yeah, I just said it, and it broke through Orphen's shield spell."  
  
I got the feeling that Hartia would want to think on this one, so I got him to show me my quarters, then bid him goodnight, as it was late.  
  
*~*  
  
I glanced up at a knock on my new door, then proceeded to watch as Hartia entered.  
  
"Yes, Shrim.......Master?"  
  
The smirk he was wearing told me he wasn't going to let me forget he had the power of detention against me.  
  
"Silver, are you ready? You didn't show at breakfast, I was told, are you nervous?"  
  
I snorted.  
  
"Nervous of what? A bunch of teenahers that are all going to giggle every time something remotely funny is said, and who are going to embarass themselves every second?"  
  
"True enough."  
  
"And I did go to breakfast, I only went early, when a few people were there."  
  
"Why?"  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Guess I was hungry, and I'm used to getting up early."  
  
"Old habits die hard. Now, would you rather I escort you to your first lesson, or can you manage yourself?"  
  
"If I get directions I'll be fine. If not, I'm sure I can ask for help."  
  
Hartis sighed, and relayed the info, it wasn't that far, only two buildings away, the corrider with the sign that looks like a smily face with a butterfly eating it inside a circle inside a triangle with the diagonal lines through it-  
  
"The heavenly ones sign for nine?"  
  
Hartia looked at me shocked.  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
I snorted.  
  
"Have you met Stephanie? That's the most junior aspect of the old ruins, if I didn't know that, she'd have had Orphen get rid of me, instantly."  
  
"So who taught you?"  
  
"Self-taught mainly, a little help from Orphen and Stephanie, but I taught myself when I couldn't sleep, or had free time."  
  
"You're really smart, did you know that? I'll need to find out how smart.....anyway, your fine to find your way?"  
  
I nodded, and bent over, pretending to look for a book in a pile by my bed, untill the door closed.  
  
Sighing, I stood.  
  
No, I didn't care much about my appearance, the worse the better, as people would make less contact, but these robes?  
  
In the words of Cleo; Ewwww!!!  
  
The green fabric, the whole thing......gross.  
  
This was being Silver? Wearing robes? Man, Majic was looking very inviting at the moment.......  
  
Sighing, I decided that I'd see what the whole thing of being Silver was, not just the fashion.  
  
Grabbing a book that might ce needed for my first lesson, I left my room, heading for something marked with the sign for nine.  
  
*~*  
  
"So, how'd it go, Silver?"  
  
I sighed,  
  
"I *know* all of that crap, I learnt it ages ago!!"  
  
Hartia smirked at me,  
  
"Well, you *are* in the lowest group, as you missed a few *years* here."  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"And anyway, I could ask your other teachers to give you tests, and put you into higher classes, to your level, but no promises. How have your peers been?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Well....I saw about seventy percent of the schools female population turn to watch you with.....keen interest when you made an appearance. I've....well, I know how it is, and I know it's a bit....traumatising. Unless your generation has....calmed down a bit, some things can really get to you, it's very disturbing."  
  
I smirked at him, giving him a knowing glance,  
  
"And how would you know this?"  
  
Hartia blushed about seven different shades of crimson, and avoided contact with my eyes at all costs.  
  
"Well, uh, you see, Krylancilo, he was, when here,"  
  
"Aha, I believe you."  
  
I smirked as his face settled for a bright flame that matched his hair, but frowned at his question,  
  
"So, how will you deal with it?"  
  
"Well, if you ignore something enough, it'll leave, right?"  
  
The red head burst out laughing, causing several passerby's to stare at us strangely.  
  
I shrugged them off, who cared what they thought?  
  
Even if Hartia was my teacher, he was still gunna be Shrimp Man to me.  
  
Frowning, I asked Hartia,  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Trust me, that's the *last* thing you want to be doing, they'll think your playing hard to get, and try even harder. My suggestion, is make yourself unavailable."  
  
That earnt him a raised eyebrow.  
  
"As in, go out with someone?"  
  
He nodded, still laughing, his face slowly loosing all the extra blood.  
  
"But...I don't want to go out with anyone!!"  
  
He stared at me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ma...Silver, are you alright? I've only heard of three fifteen-year-olds that didn't want to go out with anyone, and one was because his choice was a dragon, the other was, and still is, different, given his unique magic and all, and I, well, no, let's not go there."  
  
"Yes, Master, lets go there, why didn't you?"  
  
Hartia blushed, again, but got over it more readily then before,  
  
"Anyway, Silver, why not?"  
  
I shrugged, looking away,  
  
"I'm not interested in people in *that* sort of way..."  
  
Hartia shrugged, and commented,  
  
"You sure your a teenage male? That reply was....unnatural."  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Oh well, Silver, you've got the rest of the day with me, training. Shall we proceed?"  
  
I nodded, and folowed him to the middle of the practise grounds.  
  
"What now?"  
  
A sheepish look came over Hartia's face, and he replied,  
  
"I was kinda hoping you'd know that one."  
  
Holy crap. My teacher was an airhead.  
  
"Well, what was your first lesson with Childman?"  
  
Pain, humiliation and laughter flashed in Hartia's mind, before the man could forget the feelings.  
  
"Don't go there........right, how about you show me what spells you know....that Krylancelo taught you, not what you've made?"  
  
I nodded, starting with a simple spell........memorys of Majic, a chicken, and Cleo appeared in my mind.  
  
Thank God I wasn't Majic any more.  
  
*~*  
  
Alright, before you even comment, that whole #9 thing was made up crap created by an over-tired me at about two in the morning. If any of you know the true sign, I'm all ears. Your reviews are welcome, *hinthint*  
  
Now, not many reviews, but hey, on the bright side, that means less replys!!  
  
Danyells Skyler Silverfire; Hey! Thanx 4 the review. Well, glad your interested, I'm trying to keep going with this, and this was an update!! ^^  
  
Angel K.D. ; Sweet! ^^ Don't kill Majic?... awwww, but I really wanted to *pouts*. Nah, I dunno aye, but even if I did, I wouldn't tell ya!! Ya like Silver? I just got the warm fuzzies!! One answer; I have no Fuc*ing idea. None at all. And no offense taken. The possibility is always there, but I dunno. *starts pulling hair out* So many people have asked me that, and I DON'T KNOW!! Um, this wasn't quite 'soon', but just be happy I wrote!! Year nine sux!!  
  
-Dark_lil_Devil 


	6. Chapter 6

Hey!  
  
~Sapphire Dragon;  
  
Chicken. Yes, I am watching the re-runs for that very episode, for that very moment. How could I resist from putting that in?! I fell off the couch laughing!! (At half midnight.... waking a few people up)  
  
And yes, I also hate how everybody thinks that a blonde is an airhead!! I may be blonde, but hello? Am I not writing this, which I would like to believe is far from airheadedness? Anyway, no, I do not believe anybody is an airhead, it's just that some, such as me when I'm enjoying life, are happier to forget to be serious, to let the little things be wonderfull. (Like my friend stealing my bag, telling the guy I used to like I wanted to go out with him, and then giving my bag to this guy that pisses the hell outta me!!)  
  
Ahem, yesss..... Um, Hartia is his teacher, and after a nice long think about it... (very long).... I have remembered why I did it.  
  
While Majic/Silver is able to defeat Orphen with his magic, what Hartia is teaching... well, attempting to teach him, is how to do the normal stuff, which, (sorry if this offends anyone), he sux at. So, Hartia teaches him that, while Silver will....... do something to improve his own abilitys. Maybe another teacher..... maybe I dunno..... maybe I have a killer headache, and punching the keys so hard doesn't help.  
  
Thank you!! It's great that your enjoying this, And I'm VERY sorry for the long wait, I was concerntrating on my other story, (and thought I'd posted two chaps of it that I hadn't), and also I just started third form. Man, SOOOO much WORK!! And bloody homework.... and I had it so easy last year. *sigh*  
  
Damn, better cut this off, sorry, I like to go on, Thanks!!  
  
~Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
  
Wellllll, Thank You. Glad to hear you like it. Yes, angst is good. I agree, never let anybody say otherwise. Most of my friends don't know what angst is. -_-;; Oh well. Better start this chappie, thankx for the review, it's appreciated! *waves angst flag*  
  
*~*  
  
Ok, I'm just going to say that in most parts of this story, when Silver is alone with Hartia, all the *Master*s are in the voice Majic uses in what I think was the first episode??? Somewhere around the birdwatching? I think..... Oh well, hope you can remember his tone of voice, 'cause it's stuck in my head.  
  
*~~**~~**  
  
Several pathetic, weak spells later, I sat down, not caring where, and felt myself glare daggers at an innocent beetle travelling across a blade of grass near me.  
  
"Silver, how about you try the spells you made, now?"  
  
He couldn't fool me, even though his voice was calm, I could tell he was fighting away laughter with all his might.  
  
Ass.  
  
I sighed, and stood again, taking aim at yet another practise rock.  
  
A big boom later, Hartia was staring at me.  
  
"What?"  
  
He collected himself,  
  
"Ah, I'd forgotten how powerfull you could be, after your first......ahem, well, now what?"  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Um, any others?"  
  
This got a smirk.  
  
"Yeah, but I need another person to work on."  
  
I might have been the evil tone in my voice, or maybe the look in my eye, but something about me caused Hartia to take a step back.  
  
"Ah, I need to observe.......maybe you could find a friend to use it on?"  
  
Friend?  
  
"Master, are you forgetting that I've only spent one class in contact with others, and that was in bored silence?"  
  
Hartia sighed, apparently thinking fast, then,  
  
"Ah, you appear to have a fan club already, Silver."  
  
Huh? Fanclub?  
  
What was Shrimpy on about?.....  
  
Staring at the doors to the castle, I watched as a bunch of what appeared to be giggling airhead girls appproached us.  
  
"Who the....ahem, who's that?"  
  
Hartia smirked at me, the knowing look really hacking me off.  
  
"Your fanclub. All those girls approaching, are most probably single, and on the hunt; you're the prey, my dear student."  
  
Ignoring the bad urge to let loose a string of bad words, I instead had a great idea.  
  
"Master?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Before, you said indirectly, not to ignore them. How about I involve them?"  
  
"How so?"  
  
Before he could stop me, I was off,  
  
"Watch, *Master*."  
  
Meeting the girls half-way, I said quickly, before they could talk,  
  
"Hey, want to help me and Master Hartia with something?"  
  
After a bit of giggling and whispering, they mostly agreed, then followed me back.  
  
"Right, I'm practising a new type of magic, who can I practise on?"  
  
They all shared scared looks, confusing me for a moment.  
  
Oh! Of course, they only studied magic for attacking and defense here, nothing much else, all painfull.  
  
"Ah, it wont hurt.....just change your looks and all."  
  
Hartia glanced up at me.  
  
"Silver, explain to them, or I will not permit you to do this."  
  
Sighing, I explained,  
  
"It'll change your eye color, hair color, and the color of your magic. Not to sure what else I can do, but if I havn't done it before, I wont do it now."  
  
A girl, she seemed like a leader, asked me,  
  
"How do you know it wont hurt us? Who've you done this to before?"  
  
I shrugged, asking,  
  
"You think these eyes come natural?"  
  
Giggles spread around them, funny, I thought that there had been about ten of them before, but now it looked more like twenty.....  
  
I sighed, and walked over to Hartia.  
  
"*Master*, will that suffice your needs?"  
  
"Nearly, girls, he's using his own spells, he made them, but he's been tester to them himself, so I don't think any harm can come from it."  
  
After those willing came foward, I asked them,  
  
"Who wants new eye color? I think it's reverseable, but don't count on it, I havn't tried yet."  
  
Three of them stepped foward, and the first one I looked at was blonde, she had glasses, though I couldn't be sure, I thought one eye was brown, the other blue.  
  
"Right, what's your name?"  
  
She blinked at my qusetion, staring into my eyes, then half whispered,  
  
"Deliliah."  
  
I nodded at her, it was perfectly natural, if annoying, for her to be afraid.  
  
"What color do you want?"  
  
She gulped quickly, then asked,  
  
"Is...can you do amytheist?"  
  
I nodded again,  
  
"I can try."  
  
Getting her to relax and sit down wasn't easy, she was so tense I could feel myself getting tense.  
  
Finaly, I got one of her friends to sit next to her, the familiar presense relaxing Deliliah.  
  
Concerntrating, I managed to get through all the eyes, then the seven girls for hair changes, before standing up again to face the rest.  
  
"You see my magic now?"  
  
Forming a ball of it in my fist, I waited untill they all agreed, then extinguished it,  
  
"It used to be red, not silver. Anybody for a change of their magic?"  
  
Two girls stepped foward, Deliliah and another, Erris, who now had bright purple hair, deep blue eyes, and wanted.....  
  
"Pink."  
  
Everybody there stared at the girl.  
  
"Well, I can die my hair, I can wear contacts, but my magic is mine, I want it to be different from anybody elses."  
  
Hartia stepped foward.  
  
"Erris, think about it. Pink. You complain that nobody takes you seriously as a sorceress, do you think having pink magic will help them at all?"  
  
The girls face looked surprised, then she gave a sheepish grin.  
  
"No, but what else is unique?"  
  
Everybody was silent, untill I voiced my opinion,  
  
"Unique is origional, origional is natural. You should keep your natural magic, it's yours, and unique to you."  
  
Erris contemplated this, then grinned at me.  
  
"Thanks Silver, I will!"  
  
*~*  
  
"So, *Master*, how'd I do?"  
  
Hartia glanced sideways at me, as we made our way back into the tower.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"How'd I do? Weren't you supposed to be testing me?"  
  
A look of understanding passed his face, and he thought foe a moment, before answering me,  
  
"Well, you didn't fail at anything, so I guess you passed."  
  
I snorted. What an Idiot!!  
  
Stopping at the stairs that led to the part of the tower which in turn led me to my room, I turned to Hartia.  
  
"Shrimp....*Master*, am I needed anywhere else today?"  
  
He shook his head,  
  
"No, but you are required to attend dinner with the rest of us, and I'll be back to inform you tomorrow morning!"  
  
Trying my hardest not to make a smart remark, I gave a small wave and headed off.  
  
**~~**  
  
Dinner.  
  
Dinner was, well, hard to explain in words, thoughts as it happened to be.  
  
Stretched out on my bed, with it's wooden frames that matched the theme of the room, door, walls, floor, desk, all wooden, I remembered what had happened before at dinner.  
  
6.00 pm had me out in the hallway, hearing from a passing student that it was nearly dinner time.  
  
I had headed down, hoping to get in there first, eat, and get out before anyone else.  
  
Hoping, as had the rest of the entire school body.  
  
The wooden doors had stood open, and entering, I found a large room, 8 long tables lined up in a sort a grid to the right, a kitchen in the next room to the left, connected by holes in the wall to serve the long line of students through.  
  
I had walked over to the said line of students, and after a short while, a lady in her thirty's had walked down the line, handing out the plates, and yelling at those who cut the line.  
  
Two guys in front of me kept staring at me now and then, then would start to push each other around, smashed a plate, got told off, and returned to stare at me over their shoulders.  
  
I ignored them, and those who watched me in the same manner, getting my dinner, and had then turned to face the seats, eventualy sitting in a corner seat, on a long wooden bench, furthurest away from anybody already sitting.  
  
A quick glance at each group already formed told me who they were; airheads, athletes, nobody's, smart poeople, macho guys........ the list went on as more groups formed, mainly turning into four, each at a different table; the one closest to the door, and in the middle of the room had the middle average people, the one next to that was the 'rejects', the table against the wall opposite to the door was the 'popular' group, and the table I was at seemed to be the 'smart' people.  
  
It was like personality racism.  
  
Wonderfull.  
  
I noticed that a group of people at the 'average' table was growing, and got interested when the 'popular' ones ditched thier table to join them.  
  
Pretending to ignore them all, I had watched my food, untill a hand grabbed my shoulder.  
  
Swiveling around, as fast as I could in those damn robes, I faced a girl about thirteen years old smile at me.  
  
"Was it you that changed Erris' hair?"  
  
I stared at her for a moment, then looked over to the group, where a certain purple hairded girl gave me a small wave from the middle of the group.  
  
Great.  
  
Nodding, I tired to turn back to my food, only to find a stronger, not- female hand on my shoulder.  
  
Sighing, I turned again, this time staring into the brown eyes of a blonde nineteen year old guy.  
  
"What's your name, kid?"  
  
I ignored his words, staring into his eyes, wondering if he'd go away.  
  
He blinked a few times, unnerved by my silence.  
  
"Look kid, how can I say who you hang out with if you don't tell me anything?"  
  
This interested me, why would he tell me anything?  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
The polite word was lost in my cold, hard, almost evil voice, and startled him again,  
  
"Wow........uh, I'm Vectrum, and I'll decided who you can hang out with."  
  
This blonde was getting on my nerves, so I cocked my head to the left a little, feeling my hair sway with my movement.  
  
"Whatever gave you the impression you had the right to make that decision?"  
  
He smirked, a truely hideous look on him,  
  
"I'm the strongest person here, magic wise and physically, so you've got no choice if you want your nose in it's current shape."  
  
I slowly got out of my seat, faced him, and stared into his eyes, knowing that he'd look away quickly, as he had,  
  
"You're on."  
  
**~~**  
  
"So, not gunna back out?"  
  
We were outside, on a grassy hill, two teenage males surrounded by a wide ring of other teenagers, some happy enough, others worried for our saftey.  
  
He was smirking at me, and I didn't like like. I remembered thinking that I'd have to get rid of it, for him.  
  
Not speaking, I moved so that my arm was ready for attack, and the blonde followed suit, staring me in the eyes.  
  
All had been silent even the wind wasn't heard, no animals or people had dared to move as we stared, then he had shouted some chant, aiming a magic blast towards me, missing by a large degree.  
  
I had stared at where it had hit, a good five feet away, wondering if his aim had been a joke, then realised I was neaded to attack when another spell hit a little closer.  
  
One quick spell, and twenty minutes later, I was now still on my bed, eyes closed, thinking.  
  
Really, I shouldn't have gone to dinner.  
  
A quick knock sounded on my door, then I could hear the brass handle turn as the person entered.  
  
"Silver."  
  
Opening my eyes, I watched as Hartia closed the door, and sat at my desk.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
Not wanting to talk, I closed my eyes again, but found I was able to picture Hartia in my mind as well as I could see him.  
  
"Vectrum is currently in the infirmary, broken arm, cracked coller-bone and several cuts. Would you know anything about this? He claims it was you."  
  
I shrugged, indifferent to Hartia's knowledge of this or not.  
  
"Silver, to be honest, I'm glad that the guy got beaten, he was way to cocky, but do you realise what you've got yourself into?"  
  
I cracked an eye open studying his reaction,  
  
"A few detentions, who cares?"  
  
The red head sighed, he had been afraid of this,  
  
"No, he was the leader of the students, and you defeated him, so now you're the leader of them."  
  
No.  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"Yes, and if you don't, then they'll all be lost, and start fighting over who is, and it won't be pretty."  
  
"No, I had a fight with a guy and won. It has absolutly nothing to do with being popular or not. There's no way I want to 'lead' these imbiciles."  
  
Hartia sighed, and looked me directly in the eyes.  
  
"You know it does, it's a sort of alpha male thing. Silver, accept this. You've got some things that need sorting out; one, the girls are after you, wich creates two, the guys are all jelous, and three they all want you to lead them. So what are you going to do about it?"  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"They'll get over it, they'll get over it, and they'll get over it."  
  
"They won't, they won't and they won't. Your not going to be able to ignore this, your the best here so far, and already have a respect from the others."  
  
"They can shove their respect up their-"  
  
"No, you'll have to be their leader, and make yourself un-available."  
  
*~~**~~**  
  
Ok, shorter then normal, or so I think.... but be glad I remembered about it. ^^;; With all my homework, I nearly forgot about this!! Sorry.  
  
BETA REDA NEEDED!!!!!!!!!! If interested, please e-mail me!!! Check my info page, it should be there!  
  
~ Dark_lil_devil 


	7. Chapter 7

I'm baack! 'Kay, short chappie, but explanation for that at the bottom.

Title: Secrets in the Dark

Author:DarklilDevil

Pairings:?! I'm not too sure yet......... ;

Rating:PG13, not for any particular reason..... but I might slip and put bad words....Oh, and there is the fact of attempted suicide......

My Notes:

Well, thought I'd try that to start with, it looked all cute and stuff on other peoples....

Hey, I need to add a disclaimer.... I'll think about it.....

Later that night, I was thinking in bed, unable to sleep,

How was it, that before Majic hated himself for not getting anything right, and now Silver was starting to hate himself for getting things right? 

What did I want? 

What was it that I wouldn't hate? 

Do I want to be average?

Being the middle? 

Getting some things right and the rest wrong, not being noticed? 

Was I crying for attention, or was I demanding solitude?

I didn't know, but I figured that the idea of being average was about the best thing I'd thought of yet.

Maybe there was a spell I could cast to make everybody forget about my fight, forget me beating their leader, but then that would lead to square one, as small a problem it seemed now, of him bossing me around. 

I couldn't take that.

It wasn't Silver's nature. 

Majic's, yes, but not Silver's.

I've had it. 

I can't do this anymore.

I needed to get away from this damn tower, away from everything that has happened.

Just ... Away.

After a few minutes, I found myself dressed in jeans and a black jumper, holding my grey backpack.

Thinking about what I should put in it, I grabbed each item I saw, either stashing it, or putting it back.

Books? No. 

Food? No. 

Blankets? No. 

There was only one thing I needed to take apart from myself, and that was a knife. 

A knife so that whatever decision I came to, I'd be prepared.

I grabbed a cover for the knife that I had made, it was from leather, and tied the knife into my belt.

Dropping the bag, I left my room, trying to make as little noise as possible.

I ran through the shadows, stopping only at the gates.

Funny, last time I was here, I was trying to pass these, but from the other side.

How would I get out? 

Smirking, I whispered,

"By tricks of day and shadows of night,

I call upon illusions of light!!"

Even I had to admit it amusing when the guards went running from the wolven pup that wandered over to them. 

But I also had to admit that the spell was one of my worse ones, or most embarrassing.

Running out the gates, I headed to the nearby forest, sticking to the night's shadows.

Trees started appearing, suddenly they were everywhere, tearing at me, ripping my clothes, scratching my skin, hurting me. 

Hurt me like life tried to.

Hurt me like a human's nature is to do.

Stopping, I slid down against a tree, and stared aimlessly ahead of me, pulling my legs up close and hanging my arms loosely over them.

Now that I was out of that place, for some reason, the tightness inside my chest seemed to double. 

All the petty worries were now........ Gone, but they were replaced with fear. 

A fear that I couldn't understand, a fear of life, of living, of being human, of being me. 

Then those voices returned.

From the deep silence of night, two low voices penetrated the shield, both trying to be quiet, and both from the same room.

One man was spread out on the bed, a pout visible on his face, surrounded by locks of his red hair, now a dark blood red in the lack of light.

The other man was standing by the window, his green hood down, revealing his emotionless face, but his traditional style of green hair covering one of his eyes, the other shining brightly.

The red head moved, locks of blood hair falling into his eyes, only to be flicked away by an annoyed Hartia, reminding himself to see what a hair-tie would do for him. 

"Lai.... what am I meant to do?"

There was a silence, and then Hartia groaned.

"It may not be my problem, but Silver...... I know he's Majic, and I know he's hurting, somewhere, but I don't know why. Fine, if he was just using a different name, it's understood, being Orphen's apprentice wouldn't get him far here, but it's not that. He's... a completely different person. And it's scaring me. Also, he beat Vectrum, who's going to want revenge, and he's got the girls after him. What the hell is he meant to do?"

"He will figure it out in due time."

"But he won't, he doesn't care. He's just going to let things stir over, until it all explodes."

"His problems are his problems; you need only to think of our own."

"Urghhh. I'm tired of all this. My brain.... My head feels like I'm on a roller-coaster, but I'm stuck at the second just before you fall, when your guts are wrenching in anticipation."

"Sleep, get your rest, you need it. Find me in the morn, or when you wake."

Lai then left the room, leaving Hartia to his thoughts and feelings, as he drifted into a restless slumber.

-- What the hell are you trying to pull? You're not fooling anyone! I thought you were going to be different from them, never let them hurt you. But you are. Look what it's doing to you already!--

//No, Majic. You aren't Silver. You are Majic. You don't cut, but you can have bad days. Nobody said you couldn't.//

--Bad days? He was having a bad life! When he's Silver, he's fine. I say, he's either Silver, or dead.--

//No! If he's Silver, he's only acting.//

--If he's Majic, he's only acting.--

Then who am I if I'm not acting?

Confused, A lonely confused pathetic excuse for a human.

//It may be acting, but it came naturally to him. Silver, he's.... Not right. //

--That was the lamest thing you've said so far. But Silver... He's letting others hurt him again.--

Silence.

--Ha! See? Even you can't argue to that!--

//Yes, Silver is letting others hurt him, but it's because it's Silver, not Majic. //

--Majic let others hurt him as well. Silver can avoid that.--

//How? How can one avoid pain? //

--By hurting himself.--

//You're suggesting he kills himself? //

--No. I'm saying that he should cut. Then, when he gets close to someone, remember that pain. It'll stop him from making relationships with people, relationships that will only hurt him.--

//If he cuts, will you let him stop being Silver? //

--No. I think Silver should still be around. He needs to get used to Silver. He isn't used to being Silver, that's all.--

//So he can keep being Silver for a while, then make up his mind? //

--For now, yes.--

So, the voices had decided to let me sit this one out, basically ordering me to cut myself, and then go back.

Well, that was doable, and I had no argument.

Except for one.

What the hell are those voices?

I grabbed the knife, carefully removing my watch, then slicing.

So if I had to go through with this whole Silver thing, I'd have to sort it all out.

Fine, I could deal with that.

Shifting my position, so that the blood off of my wrists wouldn't fall onto my clothes, but rather the dry dirt, I stared numbly ahead.

Funny, I thought slitting your wrists was supposed to kill you.

Well, after doing it for as long as I have been, there was probably some sort of resistance to it, or something.

I checked my body for something to stop the bleeding with; I didn't want to get caught with this much blood on me going back.

All I had was a clean hanky in my back pocket, long since forgotten, so I slowly ripped it into strips, then when I had a few, I used one to blotch the blood away, folded another to sit on it, and then the last of the fabric was used to bind my makeshift bandage.

Leaning back into the tree, I listened, to the noises of the night.

An owl cooing softly, what sounded like a bat fluttering past, animals and insects going about their lives, catching their prey, and hiding from their stalkers, scuttling around their territories.

Slowly, I felt the calm environment enclose me, and my eyelids started to flutter closed.

No, I couldn't fall asleep out here, that would cause more trouble for Silver if I got caught.

Standing, I shoved the blanket and knife into the blue backpack, and slung it over one shoulder.

Taking a deep breathe, I started back, noticing how the branches of trees seemed to let me go, only a few snagging me, the rest swaying in the slight breeze.

They no longer seemed out to get me.

I don't really remember how I got past the guards again, but what I do remember is that in front of the dorm's, somebody was standing there, staring at the clouded over moon.

I had walked over, hoping not to be seen, but when I got to the door; I turned to look back, wondering who it was.

As though a light spell had been cast, the clouds shifted, letting some of the moons rays shine on the person, revealing the bright purple hair, and even though her back was to me, I could tell it was Erris, with her deep blue eyes, which I had given her.

The clouds moved on, and as the light dimmed again, I went and sat on a boulder near her, waiting for........ I didn't know what, and I still don't.

While I was pondering what I was doing, Erris said quietly, into the wind, which happened to carry her question across to me,

"Who are you?"

I tilted my head, and wondered what she meant.

Erris still hadn't moved from staring at the moon, so I figured she hadn't seen me yet.

"It's Silver."

"Yes, I know that's what you call yourself, but who are you?"

Oh, so she had known it was me. 

"I....... I don't know."

It was true, I don't know. 

"Well, you're like the moon by name, like the fire by your eyes, but your none of that, are you?"

Her voice was soft, sort of mystic like, and it freaked me out, to the point of saying what I had always detested saying as Majic,

"Huh?"

In one swift movement, Erris had gone from staring at the moon, to sitting beside me, staring at my face intently.

It was bloody freaky.

"Who are you? What's your past?"

"Me, and that's for me to know, and me to tell when I feel the need to. As far as I'm concerned, I don't have one."

Slowly, her intense features smiled, and she laughed lightly.

"Yes, you are exactly what I thought you were."

"And what was that?"

She smirked, and stood up.

"A mystery, wrapped in layers of confusion and lies, trying to forget what lay's behind you."

"Is that so?"

Now she tilted her head,

"Yep. Just like me, but different."

"Just like you?"

"Yep. What do you see me as?"

"Well...."

I thought about this. 

When I had first met her, she was some random airhead, but after this......

"Mysterious...., confusing......, you have faces, different faces, like moods, but they change who you are."

Now, even to me that didn't make much sense, but apparently to her it did.

"Yep, that's me as well. And you, you've been sarcastic, quiet, seemingly shy, strong, weak, but not embarrassed yet."

And that had what to do with the price of a pendant in Totokonta?

"We're alike, but different."

Yes, very different, as I wasn't acting like a werewolf, staring at the damn moon, barely moving, but aware of everything like she was.

However, I didn't say this, liking the silence, the calming effect night had on me.

"Different. Different, because we both want to forget our pasts, but I don't mind sharing it with you."

Her past?

She seemed to think, as though gathering thoughts, and then moved to sit down on the ground, far enough away that I could figure out that she was wearing different clothes to what the tower assigned, such as I was.

"I'm a... well, a cutter, and also a lot of others."

Huh? Cutter, yeah, she liked to cut herself, but what?

She seemingly saw my expression, and explained,

"I commit suicide as a hobby. Obviously, I'm not that good at it, but it's ruined my life."

"How?"

"Well, when I was six, I started. My parents were both taken in a fire, and I was left with my uncle. I didn't like him, that drunken bastard, always trying to feel me up, and one day.... he went too far. So I grabbed a knife, headed into the woods. After a few hours, I found the main road. Slitting my wrists, I lay down, waiting for the darkness to take me to my parents."

I could understand completely how she felt, and even though she hadn't explained completely what her uncle had done, I had a fair idea. I nearly spat. Filthy bastard.

"Instead of darkness, though, a horse and rider showed up. This tall guy got down. By then, I had a fear of all males, I was shivering so badly that my teeth were chattering, and it must have been raining at one point, but I can't remember it, because I was soaked through."

Erris turned to the moon again, and this time, I could see the unshed tears in her eyes.

"The guy picked me up; asked if I was alright; saw the blood, then the knife..... He undressed me, wrapped me in blankets, saying I could die from being that cold with that little blood. After dressing my wounds, he sat me in front of him onto he horse, and galloped to town. It would have gone faster, if I hadn't been using the last of my strength to stop him from undressing me."

She swallowed, and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

I didn't say anything, I felt no need to. It felt more like a book, with me only watching, not participating,.

"We got to a town, and some ladies took me, warmed me up, dressed me, but they said something about me before they dressed me. I can still remember wondering what my virginity was, and when had I lost it. And then when I asked them, two of them collapsed into tears, while the third told me not to worry, then went to get the man. Me being me, I screamed when he entered the room, topless, hair wet."

Another tear fell.

"After quieting me down, he explained that he wasn't going to harm me in any way. He claimed not to be that sick, and said that whatever asshole had harmed me like that deserved to pay. I was so happy, I just hugged him. I guess when I froze, and he saw the look of horror on my face, he left. A lady came to see me the next day; I was still in bed, wherever that was. She asked what had happened to me. I told her I couldn't remember anything, apart from running away, slitting my wrists, and then being found by that guy. She told me she was a mind doctor, and asked me many hard questions, some I didn't understand. She asked me if my uncle had touched me before."

A tear fell, followed by another, and then a sniff. Erris turned to face me, seemingly out of the depressed trance she had been in.

"To cut that short, she worked out my uncle had raped me, told the guy, he recruited me for here. I still can't figure out who he was. All I remember was dark clothes, the pendant, his soft but loud voice, and red bandanna like thingy tied around his forehead."

Ho. Ly. Shit.

Unless there was another guy out there, she was talking about Orphen.

"How... How old was this guy?"

"Um.... About our age, or rather, a bit younger. About thirteen. It was only about six years ago."

"I thought you went to your uncles when you were six."

"I left when I was seven."

Ah. So it was possible that it was Orphen. Shit.

"But, when I got here, there was..... people, who I didn't like. Namely, any males."

Erris looked me right in the eyes, hers shining with fresh tears.

"I used to scream when a male was within three metres of me. It caused a lot of trouble. I was sent to a psychiatrist, who was a male. They made me share a dorm with guys, believing that'd sort me out. It didn't. I grabbed a kitchen knife. Slit myself again, not long after we went to bed, so I had all night to die. Sadly, a boy in my room needed a drink in the middle of the night, saw the blood, screamed. All the teachers were there, someone healed me, and then I remember nothing, apart from the journey there. They sent me to a clinic. Basically, it was where they sent hopeless cases like me. I roomed with a guy, but they got sick of me, and put me in a new room. This one had a girl, but I don't remember her much. After half a year, I was allowed out. In that time, I had become accustomed to males, but when one touched me, I lost it. They put it down to trust, and blamed me, not my uncle. Over the years, I've become used to guys, I mean, if someone started to feel me up, I'd kill them, but you get what I mean."

I was going to ask if that was her story, but I had a feeling it wasn't.

I was right.

"Over what? Six years, or seven now, who knows, I've spent roughly four years in there. I don't want to go back. Every time I do, I've been with this one girl. But I won't any more. She claimed that snakes were strangling her, and one night... she lost it. She cut off her long hair, made it into a rope, stood on a chair in the middle of the room, tied herself up, and kicked the chair over. I wasn't there, it happened three days after I last got out.... but.... I'll miss her. I've seen more of her, than I have my friends, or my room."

I could understand that.

By now, I realised that tears were flowing down Erris' face.

Without thinking, I raised my hand, slowly wiping them away. 

"Well, next time, which I hope there won't be, don't let them send you back."

"It's not as easy as that. They find out, and then sedate you. You know what's happening, but can't stop it."

"Well, if they try to take you, get me. I'll stop them. You may seem screwed up to them, but you make perfect sense to me."

She nodded, and took a deep breathe.

"So, what's your story?"

"There isn't one. Well, not mine."

She smiled gently at me.

"You don't wanna tell me, fine, But don't lie."

We stood in silence, before she gasped, and grabbed my hand.

"You... didn't?

I'll be the first to admit I was confused.

Wait, if I look at what she's staring at, that might work. So I look, and see she's staring at my hand, where my makeshift bandage is.

"Oh.... yeah, I did."

"But, doesn't it hurt you?"

"No. I'm... used to it."

Why the hell was I telling her so much? This was wrong... I was beginning to rely on her. Not good.

Grabbing my hand back, I turned, and sprinted back to my room, not caring who heard me.

First, sorry I didn't answer your reviews last time, I kinda… ah… forgot. Yes, this pathetic authoress forgot. Get over it.

Um, for whatever I haven't replied to, it should be here… If not, blame me entirely. 

Angel K.D. 

Whoo0o0o0o0o…. alone in the woods….. lol

I'm writing… slowly…. As a terrible curse has befallen me. It's called writers block. Evil, huh?

You're another one who unintentionally cursed me…. 'Yeah...anyway, keep working at it **and I wish no writing problems to befall you.' **Ring any bells? It should. Oh well, you're forgiven if you forgive me for taking ages with this, since I'm… well, cursed ;**  
**Oh, and shame. But year 11 can't be that bad…. Can it? 

Danyella Skyler Silverfire 

I would like to thank you for being my beta reader, and putting up with me. I must hit my brother, he's the one who told me I'd get writer's block soon… and lookie lookie, I did. Yea. How wonderful. But thank you for all your time, I really do appreciate it. 

SapphireDragon 

Well, I ain't so nice since I forgot to reply… bummer.

Yep, I decided that if his life is gunna be shit, curtesy of me, he can be good in class! Don't ask me how that works, because I said it does.

Um, what's he gunna do? scratches head I dunno. I really don't know.

Well, Vectrum could be prey to later musings… Stop giving me bad idea's! I was told not to be evil to my fics! … Don't ask… mumbles it's her idea, yet SHE doesn't care about her fics… they go through hell…

Don't worry about your lengths, I appreciate that you deemed me worthy of your time! 

Well, I think that's it…. shrugs

If not, REVIEW me to tell me so! 

Yes, I'm pathetic. I'm allowed.

Oh, and don't blame me for bringing in the whole rape-pity thing? I just had an idea, and this sorta works for it… If you see it the way I do…

Oh well, See Ya!

Devil


	8. Chapter 8

Secrets in the Dark

Chapter Eight

Warnings; Um, mention of guy/guy, guy/girl, or whatever… Nothing really, just talk.

Pairings; I may have it planned out, but that's still a dark shadow to me as well.

Disclaimer; Uh, no, not mine. I can wish as much as I want, but I wished for a car that I really want. Still not seeing that.

He-he, sorry for the delay?

* * *

Morning.

After getting ready in the silent early hours when everybody else was asleep, I spent a short while on work that I'd left until last minute then headed out for breakfast.

Again people stared at me, but now they didn't shove me away. Rather, they would clear paths for me. With my food I looked around, waiting to see a free seat.

Despite the seats that were cleared for me, and the eager looks of anticipation sent my way, I sat at the only abandoned table, wishing to be alone and hoping that they would get the message.

Of course, once I sat down, everybody else just had to sit near me.

It was sad really, how a few days ago they wouldn't have dreamt of leaving Vectrum like the loner he was, but now? They were happily shunting him aside, ignoring him.

I didn't speak to anybody, they seemed happy to talk about me, not to me, and I was quite happy to half listen to them.

After a few minutes, I could hear one argument rising in its tones, between a guy with a rough voice, and a girl with the highest, bitchiest, most annoying voice possible.

"No, I swear to you, he'd be into me!"

Damn, that girl needed to get a deeper voice, or something, it was way to shrill for the morning; even if I was a morning person.

"No, I assure you, he'd be for me."

That calm voice was the rough guys', so obviously they were fighting over whether someone was gay or straight.

Goodie for them, but I was interested so I had kept listening.

"Look, prove it! Has he done anything with you guys? No! Has he done stuff with us ladies? Yes!"

"Simple. He's shy!"

"Prove it!"

Holy shit girl, tone that voice down! My eardrums were so close to busting, it wasn't funny!

"Look, I will prove it, alright?"

There was a silence, and I was listening, tying to hear what this guy said. Hopefully he was gay, and then the girl would shut up.

But, unfortunately, I was drawn from my thoughts by the warmth of somebody's hand on my shoulder.

Turning around, I lifted my eyebrow.

"Yes?"

"Look mate, my friend and I were having an argument..."

Huh. It was that guy, which meant it was me they had been fighting over.

Of course, while the guy was still explaining it to me, the girl jumped in and blurted out,

"Are you into guys or girls?"

Hn. What should I say?

If I said guys, then the guys would all be into me, or shunting me, calling me a fag, and a pansy.

If I said girls, the fan clubs would increase, and I'd get even more unwanted attention.

So, I said the only thing I could think of.

"Not sure. Never really liked anyone. So I'd guess; both."

The two stared at me, and the entire room fell silent; apparently having listened, with only a few whispers rippling through the air.

"Never liked anyone? At all?"

I didn't really understand why the girl sounded so incredulous. So I'd never liked anyone in that way. Get over it.

"Yeah. Never."

"But… But… How? You're a teenager, surely you've at least had a crush or something?"

"Nope."

Why were they making such a big deal out of it? Was I supposed to be a sleazy arsehole?

"But… How is that possible? What do you think about when you're daydreaming? What do you dream about at night? You're a guy, you're supposed to be obsessed!"

I was?

"Huh. Well, guess I'm just not normal."

The girl just stared at me, her mouth hanging open.

"And as to my private thoughts and dreams, while nothing to do with romance, they're still none of your business."

Nodding, the guy grabbed her hand, and started pulling her back to their seats.

"Thanks for that mate. Sorry to bother you."

I watched as they left, then turned back to my food, ripples of talk starting to wash over my head again.

I really didn't like meals.

* * *

The rest of that day was good; after sitting tests to judge my year level, I was allowed to do whatever I wished, so I spent the time outside.

Debating what to do, I decided to think of a new spell.

Something… to do with gore.

Or maybe romance.

No! Now I was thinking romance.

Was it true that I'd never liked anyone before?

Yes.

What about Majic?

He'd never really liked anyone, but Orphen… There was something towards Orphen that couldn't be placed. More then respect, less then idolism. Maybe it was liking… Nah. Who could like someone that arrogant?

It was probably because Orphen had been the first person to teach Majic, and the first to help him out.

The first to find out about the cutting.

No! I was here to make a spell.

A constructive one.

Um… Damn it, I'd just practise what I'd already made.

Attack ones…

I needed an opponent.

This was where Orphen came in, where my challenge was.

There was nothing here for me so far, nothing challenging, apart from spells I'd never learn, as it wasn't meant to be.

Who could I get to spar with me? Vectrum had claimed to be the strongest student, so that left the teachers.

Most of them were old, wrinkly, and wouldn't be able to stand up long enough, Hartia was weak, and the others were probably weak as well.

Man, this was annoying.

"S… Silver?"

Wha…?

"Yeah?"

Turning around, I found a little kid, about thirteen, brown hair facing me while he stared at the ground, blushing.

"… I was sent to tell you… You're going to be attending Master Lai's classes, he asked to see you first thing tomorrow, after breakfast. Do you know where his class is?"

"Woah. What's your name?"

So, I was being nice. It was a kid, no point in being rude, and he seemed scared half to death. And anyway, I needed to understand this correctly. And, I kinda wanted him to stick around. There was something familiar about this kid.

"A… Andy, Sir."

I snorted in surprise. Sir? Where'd that come from?

"Andy, who told you to call me 'Sir'?"

"Vectrum… Vectrum would beat me up if I didn't call him that."

There was something about this kid… just what was it?

"Well, Andy, call me whatever you want, but I'd like it if you called me Silver. 'K?"

"Ye… Yes, Silver."

He whispered it so cutely… how adorable.

"So, Andy, who's this Lai?"

"Master Lai teaches seeing."

What was it about his hair, that familiar face…?

"What, do I need glasses?"

So, it couldn't hurt to act dumb about who Lai was.

Anyway, all I knew was that Lai had green hair, used to be one of Orphen's friends, and had the ability to either read thoughts, see the future, or something like that. Scribing, I think. All I'd seen of him was from that photo Orphen had.

"Master Lai's sees stuff, like the future, and the present. I'm not too sure, but he's mysteri… mystery…. Mysterious!"

Even I had to admit how cute it was that the kid stumbled over his pronunciation.

"So, why does he want me to meet him?"

"I think he wants to teach you… Or at least, I wasn't told, so,"

"Alright, kid, you don't know. When do I meet him?"

The photo… That was it!

"Tomorrow, first thing. After breakfast, I guess."

He looked almost exactly like Orphen had in the photo!

"Where?"

This was going to work much better, getting the kid to answer directly.

"Um, his class, I think."

"Where's that?"

"Uh… It has a name, but I don't know it… I can't read it too well. I memorise where they are, but I'm not good at directions."

He looked really upset, but I couldn't tell why. So he wasn't the best at it, who cares?

"I'm sorry. I really try-"

"Hey, Andy, calm down kid. It's not your fault. What do you have tomorrow at that time?"

"Um… Ruins translations?"

He didn't sound like Orphen, he wasn't as… arrogant.

"'K. Is that close?"

"Not really…"

"Great. Take me to wherever it is I'm going, and I'll get this Lai to write you a note. You can show up late, and in doing so, miss some of the class."

His face brightened up so much I had to blink numerous times.

"You would do that for me?"

I shrugged.

"Why not? Hey, if you suck that badly, I can teach you the basics. You've got that weird lady for it, don't you?"

"Um, yeah."

"Don't worry then, I'll help you out a little, 'k?"

What the hell was I doing? Inviting this kid into my life, being close to him? Was it because he looked like he did? What the hell was wrong with me!

"Sure! Thank you, Sir… Silver!

"Alright then kid, what are you doing now?"

"I'm out of class, I've got practical, with master Blackbird. I'm not his favourite student, so he tends to send me away, to help with messages."

"You'd better get back then."

"Alright. See you tomorrow!"

Nodding, I watched the kid leave, then turned around.

What the hell was that?!

Climbing a nearby tree, I got right to the top, and lay down.

The kid's face, it wouldn't leave my mind.

Brown hair… innocent face…

Why did it matter if he looked like someone from my past?

Sitting up forcefully, I managed to get my hair tangled in the above branches.

Damn.

As I untangled my hair, I thought about what I'd worked out, not that I hadn't already.

The kid looked nearly identical to Orphen, or Krylancelo, when Majic had seen the photo.

What did it mean, that I was being nice to a kid that looked like Orphen?

* * *

I got up and had breakfast earlier then before, about half an hour before the early eaters.

So I was avoiding crowds, could you blame me?

After breakfast I went back to my room, contemplating things.

Or, rather, this lesson with Lai.

Hartia was an airhead, I could commit suicide in front of him and he'd never know.

But this Lai, he was said to possibly read minds and see the future, past, and present.

This could be difficult.

So… I'd just have to forget everything.

The cutting, my past, my thoughts.

Of course, I wouldn't be able to just forget everything. I'd have no idea of who I was. Not that I do anyway…

So, all I'd think about would be how I'm Silver, how my lessens are, and maybe the other kids. Possibly let a little angst in. Couldn't have him thinking I'm normal, now could I?

Hearing the others students leave the cafeteria, I decided to go down and find the kid.

* * *

"So, it's this way."

It had been so funny. The kid had been sitting there, in the empty cafeteria, looking lost when I went to find him.

Nodding, I walked beside him, even though he was leading. Hey, it wasn't my fault he had short legs.

"Are… Are you still wanting to teach me the signs?"

I shrugged.

"Sure, lunch time?"

He frowned, in thought.

"Sorry, but I've got extra work then, 'cause I'm behind in practical healing. I'm required by my teacher to do that, and at afternoon break I've got extra… something… And then I'm free after dinner. Is that ok?"

Wow. That was pretty hectic for a thirteen-year-old.

"Why so many extras?"

"Cause I suck. Um, this is the room. Where should I meet you?"

"My room, you know where that is?"

"Yeah."

Nodding to him, I turned, knocked, and entered the room.

It was a normal room, only different in a few areas.

There was a scent in the air, something relaxing, and facing north were wall-sized doors, that led out onto a great big balcony, bean bags, chairs, couches, and mats scattered everywhere.

The man I realised to be Lai, a lot different from what Majic had known him to be occupied a single seat couch. He was tall, I could tell that even when he was sitting, his hair still hid one of his eyes, and he seemed to be completely relaxed.

Until he looked at me.

His green eyes, they seemed so deep, penetrating.

I felt like crumbling right there, just falling at his feat, begging him to finish me off.

But I didn't. I couldn't. I stared him straight in the eye, unblinking.

"You sent for me, I believe?"

He nodded, looking out the window/doors.

"Silver. I believe that your… unique powers will take you somewhere. If you want them to."

What was that supposed to mean?

"Please, take a seat. I believe you have no classes today, as of yet?"

I shook my head slightly, gazing out the window, admiring the view, splashed in morning sunlight.

"I'd like for you to join me in the mornings, when I do my scribing."

Why?

I went to ask, but he kept talking.

"Every morning I keep track of Krylancelo. The elders know nothing of it, they believe it is my meditation. With your powers, I'm under the impression that you could enjoy this. So as not to pressure you, you also shall be attending separate lessons, to learn meditation."

How did he know about Orphen? And why separate lessons, for meditation?

When I asked him, his small sad smile was nearly making me regret asking.

"The elders believe you to be a danger, if you forget your place. So they're putting you in compulsory subjects, this shall be one of them. The morning scribing shall merely be… Company for you."

Company?

Was I missing something?

"You must be missing a decent opponent. I cannot give you that. I admit most of the students here could defeat me. I shall, however, be able to help you relieve yourself of stress, and the likes of it."

Huh?

"I… I've gotta go."

Getting up, I nodded to him, and left the room.

What the hell had that been about?

* * *

In my room, I shut the door, and gazed at it. Anyone could enter, as there was no lock visible on the old wooden door. So, I could either lock a chair under it, or come up with a spell for it.

I opted for a spell, as a chair could easily be suspicious. A spell could be taken for anything, and not suspicious.

"Of binding vines and grip of burrs, lock this door for none to pass."

Not one of my favourite spells, as it sounded more like some rhyming crap.

Oh well, after testing it, I realised that only another spell could open it. And I was the only one who could create spells.

Meaning; I held the single key.

Crossing the room, I gazed out of my window. It seemed that I overlooked the East Side of the Tower, as my vision was filled with trees, all withering and dying.

One tree was close to my window, and I could see an escape route if I needed it.

But no, what I needed was to think.

What was I doing here? Was there a point to it?

I caught sight of my reflection in the window. Long blonde hair. Red eyes, crimson, blood eyes.

Maybe if I went back, I could be Majic again.

Maybe I could duel Orphen again. Maybe I could help my Dad out. Maybe I could talk to Cleo, and stop her from hurting Orphen, or the other way around. Maybe I'd keep cutting, until it was too late.

Maybe I could stay on as Silver. Maybe I'd stop cutting. Maybe I'd keep cutting. Maybe I'd get a love interest. Maybe I'd injure one of the idiots who insisted on following me.

But I had no answers to these questions, and answers were vital.

Maybe… Maybe Lai would know?

* * *

The delay? I wasn't pleased with this chapter. Still not. But I feel it my duty to provide _something. _That and my friend won't stop hassling me for this. Big break-through; I know what the ending is! I've got a rough plan of it, but this chapter kind of makes it hard to do.. Oh well. I'll work something out.

-Hangs head- Argh! I'm so lost! Ah well, if it deserves it, drop a review please.

Reviews.

_g0dslayer_

_If you're still reading, don't. I'm still not happy that you got this. That's not fair. Thanks for the review, anyway. Modest? Me? Ha! Tell that to my family, they'd love to have a good laugh._

Angel K.D.

Noooooo… I'd never put Erris with Majic.. er… Silver in this fic! That'd be... not to plan. I think it will be an Orphen/Majic, if that's what I've said, I'm kinda stuck here, trying to remember. Anyway, definitely NOT a cutter meets cutter. And thank you, I hope my writing keeps steady as well. Sorry for the delay.

_Danyella Skyler Silverfire_

_Heya! Thanks for the review, and thanks for beta'ing my fic from now on. Heh. Um, that's all I have to say, short, for once._

Anyway, I think I'm going to need to read through the old chapters… again… to see what facts I've put down. I think I may have contradicted myself a teeny bit in here… or maybe a lot..

Devil


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, latest chapter, I wrote it once, then it got deleted. I got pissed off, left it for ages. Rewrote it last night. If it doesn't fit in, Tough!

* * *

By the end of the week, I was done. Ready to leave, or –something-.

I didn't understand how the others that lived here could stand it.

However they managed to live day in, day out. Yet I couldn't. I just wasn't going to last.

I came here to get a pendant from the Tower of Fang. I'm going to leave without one, and I have no shame in that fact.

Sure, it's going against what I decided to want, but I'd live, and really, this place was driving me insane.

I opened my eyes, and slowly watched as the ceiling came into focus.

I was on my bed, at roughly eleven p.m. There had been nothing to do, and I've become somewhat of an insomniac.

Sighing, I sat up, then swung my legs over the side of a creaking bed, my thoughts racing.

I wanted to get out of here.

Now, as I hike through the woods outside the tower, my body is on end. Tingling with nerves, just having a stray branch brush against the skin on my arm sends electricity through my body.

I had quickly changed into my only outfit; black jeans and a sleeveless black top, my black jumper for warmth. My knife had been hastily shoved into the front pocket of the jumper, and then I had departed.

I'd miss them, the people that I might have gotten along with one day; Erris, the kid, even Hartia and Lai.

But I wouldn't miss them that much.

After I was a fair way into the woods, I stopped moving, and concentrated. I didn't want to be Silver any more. I wanted to go back to Orphen, but I couldn't be Majic, and I just wasn't Silver any more.

I was unsure of what to do. If I went on to be back with Orphen as Silver, then I'd have to act like Silver but… For the first time in the longest time I could remember, I didn't want to act.

I didn't want to cut. I didn't wan to hide. I wanted to be myself, ad I wanted to be with Orphen.

Concentrating with all of my mind-power, I cast a teleportation spell, feeling myself washed away with a strong gust made my insides tie in knots, then as my feet touched down on slippery rock, I fell over, the sick feeling making my head reel.

I don't think I like long distance travels.

Righting myself, I stood, chuckling slightly.

I was at the lake, standing on the very tower that Orphen himself had awaited the return of Azalea those many years ago.

Thinking, I cast a spell for my hair, another for my eyes, and a last one for my magic. There wasn't much I could do to my clothes, but they didn't matter that much.

Standing there, shoulder length raven black hair whipping around my shoulders in the wind, piercing coal black eyes gazing at the water, I must have made quite a site.

Of course, I won't mention that I had considered going pink rather then black… But I'd always been rather fond of the color. Something like a comfort blanket to me.

Suddenly, a grin cracked out on my face, and I must admit that it was rather difficult to remember how, my face seemed permanently set into a scowl, o a look of indifference.

Ripples of my giggling floated over the lake, lost in the hurried wind.

I was going back. I would see Orphen again.

I'd be happy again. With Orphen. And Cleo, and Leki. All of them. I could even travel to the Tower to check up on Erris and the kid, even Hartia and Lai. I knew Orphen would want to, he had been close to them once, and still liked to keep in touch- not that he'd admit it.

Standing there, with the cold breeze slapping my face, I felt like I was a new person. I felt as though nothing could ever go wrong again.

I drifted off into a daydream, where I returned to find Orphen waiting at my father's inn, his face breaking into a smile as he saw me. I saw him and I, traveling over the world, fighting those dumb enough to oppose us, having the occasional duel, meeting up with Cleo, and Stephanie, and everybody we knew. Always happy, always smiling, never upset or down. Some nights I could see us, just sitting there in the moonlight, a comfortable silence descending around us.

My eyes snapped open, and then they flickered shut as I cast the teleportation spell.

The swirling wind increased, and my stomach protested but not as violently as it had before. Nothing could go wrong.

As I landed, doubt clouded my mind. What if Orphen was fed up of me? I'd done enough stupid shit to warrant his hate of me twice over. What if he never wanted to see me again? What if I wasn't good enough for him?

Standing on shaky feet, I looked straight ahead. I was in front of my Father's inn, and through the windows I could see inside.

It was him. Orphen. His back was to me, but I could tell it was him. He seemed to be talking to someone... Yes, he was. He was talking to Cleo who was next to him, both with their backs to me. I watched as Cleo stood, her back still facing me. Orphen must have said something, because she turned and made to walk away, but was stopped by Orphen grabbing her hand. I couldn't see her face as her hair was down and in the way, but when Orphen stood and turned her around, I could see his face. He was smiling. He looked so happy.

He smiled as he pulled her into a tight embrace. He was laughing, and by the way her body was shaking, so was she.

He was so happy without me. Looking down at myself, I cringed in disgust. Who could be happy with me around? I was never happy, always dark and depressed. They were better off without me. They were happy without me. And I, well, as long as Orphen was happy, I didn't care what happened to me.

Turning, I started to run blindly.

They didn't need me. They were happy without me.

It didn't matter if I needed them.

My foot hit a rock, and before I could hit the ground, I cast a teleportation spell, taking me back to the lake.

Hitting the cold wet rock of the fallen tower at the lake felt good. I could feel my skin graze and tear as it slid along the rock; pain shrieking it's way to my brain.

I deserved the pain.

Crawling, I let myself reach the edge of the tower and flopped off of it, falling for about a meter before some rock came out of nowhere and attacked me. It dug into my side and I felt it throwing me- not towards the water as I was originally falling, but to the edge of the water, where the rocks formed a sort of wall.

My body crashed into it, and recoiled in pain. As I lifted myself up, I spat blood from a cut in my lip out, and crawled to lean against the rock wall, ignoring the pain.

I deserved it.

Pulling the knife out of my pocket, I quickly removed my tops, leaving me shivering at the cold and the pain from all of my scratches and grazes that were now covering my chest.

Holding the knife in my left hand, as my right felt numb, a slowly moved it to my right wrist, and slashed across it quickly, my back arching and my mouth letting out a silent scream of pain.

As the blood started to flow, I held the knife to my arm again, hoping I had the energy to do it. Quickly and forcefully, I dug the knife up my arm, slicing deeply.

Dropping the knife, I let out a whimper of pain and curled in on myself.

But Orphen was happier without me.

So I dragged my right hand, that was now drenched in blood, to the sandy ground to grip the knife, and held it to my left wrist, taking no time at all to go across, then along.

Letting the knife drop to the ground for good, I cradled my arms, flexing them a bit to hello the blood flow out. Two identical crosses stared up at me, and I spat out blood in disgust.

I had sacrificed myself for Orphen.

With this thought, I realized just how tired I was, and let my body fall over so that I was lying in the sand, and let my eyes drift shut.

A small content smile graced my features before I fell asleep, the pain becoming more and more distant with each second.

For Orphen.

* * *

This is not the end. There will be a short last chapter following this (hopefully soon) showing Orphen and Cleo's viewpoint on this event.

Um… Don't hurt me? I guess you've gathered by now that this doesn't have a happy ending, and again, you can think of this as an Orphen+Majic pairing if you wish to, or think of it as pure friendship. It doesn't really make that much difference.


	10. Chapter 10

Groaning, I felt the peace of unconsciousness drift away, and my levels of alertness rising through the roof.

I rolled over in bed, and stared at the roof.

How many days had I been doing this for?

How many days had I drunk myself into an unconscious heap only to wake the next morning, feeling, if possible, worse then when I had started?

I wasn't sure. The days blurred. The past days weeks, months even? They'd all muddled into my mind, to the sharp pain of vodka sliding down my throat, Cleo begging me to stop drinking, the old man trying not to give me alcohol, bar fights with any random who 'looked at me in the wrong way'. But the clearest of it all was not what had happened, but the lack of it.

It all lacked him. He'd been gone for so long. Before he left in person, he'd been gone I spirit for a long time. I had refused to admit to myself that innocent, happy, young Majic had any problems. It was my fault. If I had only noticed, helped him, then none of this would have happened. Silver wouldn't exist.

I blinked slowly, noticing that my eyes refused to focus. Ah, a hangover. I've noticed more and more often lately that a hangover has little to no effect on me. It has become my norm.

Would I have been able to prevent any of this?

I'd been over this question, all of these questions, so many times, but still had no answers to show for it.

If I'd admitted it, and tried to help, would it have stopped this, or sped it up? Would he have committed suicide, if I'd known that he'd been slicing his wrists?

I winced at that thought. The hauntingly vivid image of his sickening wrists was right there, every time I even brushed the subject.

He'd done it to himself. Taken the knife, or blade, or whatever he used, and hurt himself. Cut himself. Slit his wrists. I could only be thankful that he'd gone across the wrist, not down.

Heavy knocking on my door sluggishly registered in my mind, and I attempted some sort of noise as a response.

It must have worked, as the next thing I know Cleo is there to have her daily rant at me.

"Orphen! Get out of bed, you lazy bum! You shouldn't still be there at this hour- the morning's nearly over! We should be out there, trying to find Majic-"

It was the same lines she'd repeated every morning since I got here- the exact same amounts of forced cheerfulness, the same levels of hysterical excitement that belonged to Cleo and only Cleo.

"Cleo. We know where he is."

The words rolled off my tongue easily, like we were reciting a play. In a way we were. She played the caring friend, I played the hopeless drunk. Or something like that.

"No! Orphen, we've lost Majic! We have to find him again!"

I hated this part, every time. Tears forced their way to the edges of Cleo's eyes, and she gazed at me so pleadingly that I was actually compelled to do something, anything, to help her.

"Cleo… He's gone for good. We know this. We should just be happy that he's safe, healthy, alive. We have to stop being so selfish. This is what he wants."

She broke down into tears, collapsing onto her knees. Just like every other morning. Repeated, day after day after day.

I know this routine in and out. I let her cry it out, reciting my lines, and finally she stormed out, telling me to rot in hell.

Finally. Peace and quiet.

* * *

I made it through a shower, after deciding that I couldn't take the revolting stench that surrounded me any longer. Once dressed, I made my way down the stairs, and plopped myself down on a barstool.

"Oi! Old man! Voddy!"

"Look, you lazy bum, I'm not giving you any more alcohol!"

He turned and glared at me, which broke the recital.

I felt like saying 'cut, go again, from the top'. But this wasn't a play.

He was serious. About not giving me any alcohol.

I couldn't fucking believe it! Why on earth would he not give me any alcohol! It was his son, he should understand how I fucking felt!

"And why not? I'm a paying customer!"

Okay, so maybe not paying. But I taught his son! I had connections!

He came right up to the counter, in front of me, and leant down on it, obviously worn out. Ok, so it was already dark, but it takes a long time to get up with a hangover. But the old man shouldn't have been this tired. This was emotional. At least, that was my guess.

"Orphen, it's time to stop this. You have to move on. Majic is gone. He was my son, and I loved him, but he's gone. We have to accept that. You can't drink your life away because of Majic. That's not fair to him."

That was most definitely not in the script.

He served me up an ice-cream soda, and in silence we conversed. Not that that makes sense. But we comforted and understood each other, in silence. Ugh. This hangover is really getting to me. My temples throb.

I place a finger to each temple, and start to rub in circles. Before any good could come of it, though, Cleo is at my side, appearing from somewhere, outide would be my guess.

Like I said, with a headache this bad, I'm not noticing anything.

I didn't really pick up on what was said, I was too busy attempting to keep my head straight after I stood up. I grabbed Cleo for support, laughing slightly at how I was dizzy and not drunk. Cleo must've seen or been told that I was off the alcohol, because the next thing I know is her arms around me, squealing in delight.

Chuckling forcedly to humor her, I turned to look out at the street, wondering what time of night it actually was. All thoughts of time, however, vacated my mind as I saw what looked distinctly like Majic sprinting away.

"Majic! No!"

Getting Cleo off of me, I took off at a sprint after the teen, and when he fell, I nearly caught up before he screamed out a teleportation spell, that was distinctly Silver, or Majic, or whoever.

I stood there, stunned.

He'd been so. Close. And I'd let him get away!

I hurriedly tried to think of places he'd 'port to, but when Cleo latched onto my arm, panting, she screamed out "Lake!", and that was all I needed.

Once I'd ported to the lake, Cleo and I sprinted forward, searching madly for him. Where had he disappeared to?

I ran right to the edge, and looked down, fearing that he'd jumped right off. But no, there he was, surrounded by a pool of his own blood, lying down against a wall of rocks about a meter under the edge. Cursing, I jumped down immediately, and was at his side as soon as I could.

Paying no heed to the blood that seeped into my clothes, I grabbed Majic and watched as his hair faded from black back to it's natural blonde, the eyes fading to blue.

I pulled his head into my lap, and stroked his hair. "It's okay Majic, we'll get some help, and we'll get you out of here and it'll all be okay."

I knew I was blabbering on, but it made it hurt less.

Inside, I knew that he was dead.

But I didn't want to admit it.

* * *

Okay, so it's crap, but I tried hard, and this fic is now put to rest! As you observant people can tell, endings are far from my strong point. But oh well, it can only improve.

THE END


End file.
